Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

If you listen to your friends, maybe they'll listen to you

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Pretty much all my life I've had to prove myself. People in a group seem to side against me, or they'll tell me just to "drop it." Do you think that every time I am right that I should not tell them, because honestly, I am 150 per cent right? I am not a dummy! In a crowd people will all talk, have their opinion and even if it's in my home, they won't let me give my input. I know this is a silly little game on their part, so I am asking for your professional opinion. -- Truly Bothered, Winnipeg

Dear Truly Bothered: People tend to get cut off if they're a know-it-all (150 per cent right) and/or ramble on and on. You are that first kind of person. Are you also the second? Yes, you should be able to take your turn speaking in a conversation, but something has happened in your relationships where people get tired of listening to you very quickly. Ask your closest friend to tell you what is going on, and really listen. Take the advice.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am writing in response to the woman who has a lustful crush on her postman and has fantasies of taking him inside to her "version of paradise." She asked you why he doesn't take her up on the sex she's offering. For God's sake, isn't it obvious that she's ugly? Any red-blooded man would love this kind of behaviour unless he has a wife/girlfriend, or if the woman in question is a dog. -- Red-Blooded, Winnipeg

Dear Red-Blooded: Let's go further. Some red-blooded men say that whenever a female is offering sex, they would take it -- even if the woman is not good-looking. Would you? Is that your definition of a virile man? Actually, that sounds very much like an alpha monkey in the animal kingdom. Most people -- both women and men -- would refuse the advances of a customer who is offering sex, either because it's so bold it's unattractive, or because they don't want to lose their precious jobs. It's not about the physical-attractiveness factor.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don't think that I have a problem, but according to what many think, what I do is wrong. I used to look at porn and knew that it was wrong, I but have stopped. However, I am still unable to be sexually interested in my wife, and I am only happy when I have sex with someone who means nothing to me -- that turns me on, but my wife doesn't. Something is just too sanitized with our sex. In fact, I crave the other sex even more after being with her. Sometimes I feel guilty. But I think it is better than leaving her, as I do care about my wife emotionally. Do any other people out there feel this way? -- Got Company?

Dear Company: You're wasting time. Finding other people who feel the same way isn't working on your issue. In the days before women's liberation, men often treated their wives like their mothers and sought outside partners who were wild and uninhibited. Times changed; you didn't. You're still stuck in the old way of thinking where your wife is a mother figure. You talk about things being sanitized. Could you find a middle road where you encourage your wife to tell you her fantasies and you try some of those? If you find that idea repugnant, then the problem really requires professional counselling if you wish to resolve it. P.S. The end result of having "dirty" sex with lots of women is often a sexually transmitted infection, which is passed on to the wife.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 25, 2012 D5

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