Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

If you love her so, introduce her to bigoted parents

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have been dating a beautiful woman of colour for seven months. I love her like crazy and she loves me. But, the big problem is my parents are bigots and I am afraid to take her home. They are immigrants themselves and my brothers and I constantly point out to them that they should extend the same respect to others that they wish for themselves. She doesn't know why I won't introduce her. Last night she cried and asked if I was ashamed of her. I had to explain my parents are big racists, even though they still have accents of their own. What can I do? -- Love Her So Much, The Maples

Dear Love Her: Some people are racist generally, and yet have certain friends of that race. Since she's so wonderful, your parents may actually like her, but not think they'd like her family and culture in general. Do you want this problem for her? It's something to think about. But, since you're so crazy about each other, it's at least worth a try introducing your family to her. If it doesn't work out, then you and she have some decisions to make. Will you stay with her and distance yourself from your parents to protect her? Do you know if her parents want her to see you get serious with her? There could be a whole other side to this problem. At any rate, you must try, because you are so smitten. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You wouldn't know it to look at me, but I am gay. I am not in the least effeminate and I play a lot of sports. My partner is not feminine either. He's a weight lifter and also a sports fanatic like me. We only discovered each other by accident. The people at work don't know about my relationship, but I was thinking about taking him to a June work outing that involves sports. The crazy thing is women will hit on him and also on me, thinking we are just buddies. Should I tell them we are life partners beforehand or shock them when they first meet him? Most of my co-workers are women and they are always trying to fix me up with women. The single ones flirt with me. Only my boss -- a married woman -- knows I'm gay and it doesn't bother her in the slightest. I am friendly back. -- Masculine Gay Man, Osborne Village

Dear Masculine: Tell a few key people who can be counted on to spread the news beforehand, so women don't embarrass themselves by flirting with you or your partner at the event. Women tend to get along well with gay men as pals, when they know what's up. This would be a good time to introduce your man and the truth about your lifestyle in a casual situation. If there are also some men in the company, it will come as a bit of a shock, and may shake up some of the ones less secure about their sexuality and cause them to behave awkwardly at first. Just be friendly and continue to act as if nothing has changed and show that you are proud of your partner and your lifestyle.

Please email problems to

lovecoach@hotmail.com or write letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 11, 2012 D2

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