Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

It takes discipline to be a domme

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife hauled me kicking and screaming to the big Halloween fetish ball and I left a changed man. I went there nervous and heavily disguised, but by the time I left I wanted to try out bondage and discipline. I told my wife about my new interest and she was excited, but it turns both of us want to play the submissive role.

On investigation, it's very hard to find a person who wants to be a dominant in Winnipeg. I don't want to hire a stranger. My wife and I have had threesomes before with friends, but those people are not into power play. Why is it so hard to find a domme? Why is it not represented 50/50 in the population of sexually active people? -- Don't Get It, Westwood

Dear Don't Get It: It's much more difficult to play the dominant role than the submissive one because that person sets the scene, often buys costuming and props, and does most of the creative "work" during the scene. The love slave just has to do be adoring and do what he or she is told. The domme has to be alert and aware of giving the submissive pain/pleasure from whatever source. The submissive just has to show up, wear what is laid out, and be willing to follow instructions.

That's why so many people who are bosses at work, and tired of having to run things all the time, get a charge out of being submissive. And now, with two partners working in many households, that leaves a lot of men and women preferring the easier situations. How about you and your wife take turns playing the roles? Maybe one of you will discover a preference for dominating more than half the time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I took my girlfriend out for dinner and it made her ill. Right there in the restaurant she went to the bathroom and got sick. I insisted we not have to pay for her meal as she must have gotten food poisoning. The waitress had the nerve to imply my girlfriend was ignoring an existing allergy or may have stuck her finger down her throat since she is thin. I was furious. My girlfriend is a runner and naturally skinny. She loves food and never runs to the bathroom after dinner. In fact, she watches TV, smiles and pats her tummy if she's had a nice big dinner. We paid for her vomit-inducing meal, but we will never go back again, and neither will anyone we've told. Why wouldn't they refund the money? -- Still Mad, River Heights

Dear Still Mad: First, you should have talked to the manager, not the waitress. The server wants the money owed on the bill; the manager wants the good will and return business. You should be aware some people pretend they've thrown up to try to skip out on paying, so the server is wondering if that's what's going on. The manager has the larger view of things and tends not to fuss about the truth of the matter if this happens very rarely in his or her establishment. It is not too late to write a letter of complaint and you should do so, rather than staying angry and telling the world. You may get an apology and be reimbursed.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 10, 2013 A1

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