DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I gave my key to my former girlfriend and, because I had a few extra lying around, I gave the same key to my new girlfriend and didn't change the lock. This was fine until my ex-girlfriend found out I had stolen a wee bit of her money when we broke up -- just a couple of hundred bucks and her liquor. Hey, she was the one cheating! She decided to let herself back in and cleared out my entire music collection -- 50-60 tapes. You don't have to tell me it's time to change the locks. I did that today. What I want to know now is if I should charge her for breaking and entering and stealing my music, or could she charge me back for the incident with the money? -- PO'd Ex, St. Vital
Dear PO'd: You've been a thief and a dummy, and now you're considering going to the police to whine about a counter move by the victim? Look, you didn't steal quarters for the dryer from your recent ex-girlfriend. You swiped a substantial amount of money and liquor that probably added up to $300. And you left HER with the correct key to get back in and get even. She has now stolen music that you can rebuy at garage sales for $1 apiece this spring. Why would you go to the police over a gain of hundreds of dollars when you stole from the victim first? Stay away from cops and courts, and hope your ex-girlfriend enjoys the music as much as you enjoyed taking her cash and liquor. Lock those new locks, stay home and give your head a shake.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For the last few years the man I care about has been in a "home" because his son put him there. I just miss my friend so much! We wanted to be together but once you're a senior in a home, you don't have any rights. Sex is not allowed between residents -- out of the question. Why is that? If it's between two willing people with their faculties, why not? He did have a stroke and his son was right there with the papers for his dad to sign over power of attorney, taking away everything -- his business and his home. His ex-wife is behind the son and works for him. His son will be old one day, too -- what goes around comes around. Pity his dad and I won't be around to see it. -- Heartbroken, Manitoba
Dear Heartbroken: Sometimes people come a long way back from strokes. It's too bad the son got in there so soon with the paperwork. Can you at least go and visit your friend, or have you been disallowed from doing that? Maybe there is a middle ground. People need visitors; family members who are unloving and greedy don't come often to visit once they have what they want. Write back with a few more details about the visiting rules. If he's getting better and better, maybe there's a solution to be found even if it doesn't include sex -- lunches out, that kind of date-like thing. Are you going by what the son has said to you? He won't want you in the picture. See your lawyer to find out what legal rights exist for your friend and for you.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1350 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6