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It's never going to happen with this woman

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DEAR MISS LONELY HEARTS: I'm a white guy, deeply in love with an Asian university student. She loved me too, or said she did. I asked her to marry me this summer and she said, "I would, if it were up to me, but my parents have other plans." She said it'd break their hearts if she married a white Canadian guy. I'm in total shock. Believe me, if I could change the colour of my skin to marry her, I would. Her parents have a guy back home they want her to meet who is supposedly a "rich young businessman and very good-looking, too." She is going "home" this fall to meet him. I know her parents want her back there after her degree. Was this always the family plan and she didn't advise me? Was I used? -- Breaking Heart, Fort Richmond

Dear Breaking: She is telling you by her words and actions that this is not a long-term match for her, either. She is not interested in rebelling and the fault can easily be placed on her parents' shoulders. They're glad to accept it. All three of them may picture a prosperous life back in their homeland -- the family reunited comfortably, where they are the majority and not the minority. And they also picture Asian grandchildren. When people say no, in whatever way, to a marriage proposal, it is time to give up and go. Don't keep seeing her to try to persuade her. You don't want to be the discarded suitor waving at the airport months from now as she flies off into the sunset to see her betrothed. Even if she comes back and says she misses you, think hard about the weight you will carry if she marries a person who is second best to her family, and has taken her away from them. And would you be willing to move to her country if she wanted that?

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts; My 29-year-old son and I got into a fistfight on the weekend after we'd been drinking. We both got in a few swipes and nobody got hurt much. My wife says she'll leave me if I ever touch our boy again. What she doesn't know is the reason I challenged him to go outside is because he said some terrible things about her. Actually she's his stepmother. Should I tell her what he said? That might make her hate her stepson,which I don't want. I just wanted to teach him a lesson. We have two girls and only one son -- mine, from another marriage. -- In the Doghouse, Transcona

Dear Doghouse: The fight has blown over, but you still need to settle some things -- without relaying the insults from your son. Here's the plan: 1) Assure your wife and son there will never be an invitation to violence from you again. 2) Your son needs to work out the problems that exist with his stepmother and you must help broker that; 3) You need to apologize for the drinking, and get help for that situation right now. Drinking and violence can lead to brain damage, broken limbs, pummelled faces and even accidental death. And, it certainly destroys relationships. It's old-fashioned and just plain wrong to think beating on each other will resolve anything. It makes things worse.

 

Please email problems for Miss Lonelyhearts to lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters to 1355 Mountain Ave. R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 28, 2012 C4

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