DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm so angry every day, I can't even identify why! From morning until night, I'm boiling just beneath the surface. There are so many reasons why I could be angry! I'm working as a good little teacher -- not my dream -- but I'm doing a good job, and yet I don't want the job. I have wasted a lot of money on my upper education to end up hating this. What is wrong with me? And then my young lawyer husband, who thinks he's so hot now, tells me I have all the security in the world with his being a lawyer, so I should just "settle down" and have his children. I'm too damn young to be nothing but a brood mare! I could have been a lawyer too if my parents had the money to help for seven years of education. I could have been a great courtroom lawyer; it was my first choice and I had great marks! And, on top of that, I want sex the way I want it right now, and that's extremely energetic, and my husband thinks there's something wrong with me. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! OMG, now I'm crying. I have to go, but I'm going to mail this to you now. Please write back! -- Losing It, South End
Dear Losing It: It's good that your writing this angry letter to me brought on the analysis of your situation and started the crying. You finally faced your hurtful career loss head-on. It's very hard to marry a person who is living your dream. It must bother you to see him whistling off to work. I think it's time for YOU to make a solid plan to go to law school. At 27 there's time to do that now, especially since being a brood mare is not your idea of fulfilment. Repressing your desire to be a lawyer, while trying to be a "good little teacher" was enough to make you very frustrated and angry. As for the sex problem, did your husband perhaps feel the anger and resentment towards him, like you were having "grudge sex" with him, and it wasn't fun to be a participant? That feeling can change. Picture yourself toasting your acceptance to law school a year or two down the road, and see how that sits with you. Do you look happy? Now picture yourself in a law office articling. Happier still? Could you do another year of teaching to save money to go to law school? How about your husband -- is he making enough money yet to help? Research all possibilities for financial help and check out the info on admission to first year. http://law.robsonhall.ca/jd/admission-to-first-year. It may be the best reading you've done in years. Be aware, you don't need anybody's permission to go to law school, so if your young husband gives you grief over this important life decision, say, "This is my dream and I'm going, one way or the other. Present it nicely, but very firmly, as a fait accompli, and he will get used to it faster. I had my kids at 38 and 391/2 after changing careers, and they are normal (most days!) and delightful. Go after your dream!
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel for the woman who has been married for less than a year and wants to leave her marriage. I was in the same place and I tried to make it work for three more years before I finally left. Things got worse, not better. He spent money like crazy, ran up debts, cheated, lied and controlled me. I wasted a lot of time and could have wasted more. I would suggest counselling just so she is sure, and to treat him kindly but not to hesitate. Life is too short to waste with someone who hides his true colours just to catch a wife. -- Been There, Stayed Too Long, Winnipeg
Dear Been There: Thanks for taking the time to write in. This distraught young woman will see your letter. You have no idea how helpful it is to hear from somebody who has actually been through the same thing, even if it is a stranger. Your kind letter will be much appreciated by her and other people who have gone through a marriage that quickly turned out to be a terrible mistake.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6