Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

It's time you steered the ship instead of jumping overboard

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm in a dilemma. Like everyone out there, I do tend to get lonely. At the same time, I'm cautious about who I'm with, or what other people will think, especially my parents. In past relationships, none of them worked out due to complications of jealousy or lies. In each one I have broken it off as I couldn't handle the stress. It was rather annoying, so I have thought of taking a break from relationships. Until now. I have met someone. Actually, we've known each other for two years and have recently been hanging out and dating in secrecy. Here is my problem: I'm not ready for the big step because of the past experiences. To top it off, there are my parents' opinions on who I should and shouldn't date.

I believe I'm old enough to make my own choices without my parents being upset with me, so I am asking you: should I give this person a chance to see how this relationship will go or should I take a longer break due to past relationship experiences? -- Dilemma Girl, Winnipeg

Dear Dilemma Girl: Hiding this guy away is not standing up and showing strength. Show him and your parents you are older than they think. You have to start acting in a mature fashion, in order for your parents to understand you are capable of handling your own love life and not being constantly upset by it. So bring your new boyfriend out of the dark closet and introduce him around. Try to work problems out with him as soon as they come up and be sure to share your values with him right now. If he's a guy who thinks that "all is fair in love" is a good belief, and he doesn't want to be monogamous or doesn't care about pesky little lies, he's not the guy for you -- the sooner he gets the boot, the better. But if you have chosen well, this time try to build on the relationship instead of jumping ship.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just took a taxi to my friend's house and I'm crying and writing you after being thrown out of my boyfriend's house where I have been living. I came home and all my clothes and stuff were thrown out on the driveway. OK, I was out all night, but I wasn't having sex with anyone. I got caught once and promised I'd never do that again and I haven't, but I'm a musician and I like to party hard.

I get off work late at night and need time to wind down. My boyfriend works at 7 a.m. and is up by 6 a.m. every weekday morning That's how come he caught me out so late. I pulled in at 7:30 a.m. and my stuff was out on the driveway already. Why is he so hard on me? He knows playing music is my lifestyle. -- Musician to the Core, Winnipeg

Dear Musician: Unfortunately, once you get off that stage it's not all about you. Coming home at daybreak doesn't wash with anyone, even long-time partners of musicians. Maybe 3 a.m. would make sense, but the rest is pure indulgence on your part unless you partner is with you. You've already been caught cheating on him, so you're not in any position to complain about his being upset. Although staying out all night is not complete proof of cheating, it reeks of it.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 2, 2013 D4

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