Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Just let memory of foreign fling warm you up

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Dear Miss Lonleyhearts: I met a man in Mexico before Christmas -- the manager at my hotel -- and I flew him up here for two weeks in January. I would like to have him come up here and live, but he says the weather would "kill" him. We went everywhere -- the best restaurants and concerts and clubs -- and I introduced him to my friends and they were fine with him. I bought him a big winter jacket and a fur hat with earflaps, which he thought was funny. He looked adorable.

Now that he's gone back to Mexico, I'm hard-pressed to get responses to my emails and phone calls. The first night he was here and we were in bed, he said he loved me, and it sounded like he really did. Did he not mean that? On the last day he said he was "shocked" by our weather and hated going outside. -- Got a Bad Feeling, St. Vital

Dear Bad Feeling: He may have felt the love impulse when he was in bed with you on the first exciting night. By the 14th day of frigid weather, he may have found he really loved his entire life back home -- warm friends, warm family, warm weather and warm ocean. Would he want to live here, given his first taste of it? Probably not.

Romances where you fly the man up from the tropics are not likely to result in a big relationship and permanency. He probably came because he liked you a lot and it was a big adventure he couldn't afford on his own, But he probably felt a little embarrassed, looking like your imported boy toy, to others. If he writes, answer him, but if he doesn't write again, let him go and just enjoy the memories. If you're back that way again, you can at least be friendly and say hello to him and have a pleasant conversation.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel sad about my relationship with my husband of 33 years and my mother-in-law. She definitely comes first and is in her glory when he's around. After she lost her eldest son, my husband has become a momma's boy more than ever. It is quite apparent when he walks right past me to speak to her. They vacation together, which is awesome, and I prefer not to partake. I once mentioned that I did not come from a huggy family, as we were seeing her three times a day and I found hugging goodbye three times too much. Now she does not hug at all and when people ask, "Is this your daughter?" she is always quick to say "No, my daughter-in-law!"

I did mention, after my mom passed, that I would love to have her fill in as my mom, but nothing came of that either. She has a spouse of her own, but I wonder who is married to whom? I am not speaking to my husband for numerous reasons, but this really plays on my mind. Any suggestions? -- Sick and Tired, Winnipeg

 

Dear Sick and Tired: Mama was plenty friendly when she was hugging you goodbye three times a day, but when you told her to keep her paws off you, she was offended to the core. She withdrew her emotional connection to you, as well as her hugs. She feels rejected by you, and you would be wise to try to fix this before your husband leaves. These days, people do break up after marriages as long as yours. Your husband doesn't have as much to lose as you do. If you split with him he's still got a friendly female in his life who even goes on holidays with him.

For some odd reason, you skipped over the many reasons you're not talking to your husband of 33 years. What are they? Not talking is just plain foolish. This would be the time to call in a third party and I don't mean Mama. You and your husband are at a crisis point, whether you realize it or not. This silence can't go on forever.

Ask him nicely if he will go for counselling with you, so he sees the seriousness of the situation. Later, you can bring in his mother and the counsellor can help broker a peace between the three of you. You can't push his mother out, you know. That's just not going to happen, as he's very attached and happy with his mom's presence. You can bet she talks to him.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 15, 2014 D4

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