Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend has lived with his mother since his first marriage failed when he was 21. His wife did a number on him because he got her pregnant before they were married, and according to her, "he wasn't even good at sex." She didn't want to be a mother, so she gave the kid to him. He swore he'd never marry again.
His son is now 12 and was brought up by this great guy and his mother. My guy is now sexually fantastic, but the three of them are an unbreakable unit, and other women have failed.
I don't want to keep visiting a guy in his basement suite, having sex with his mother and son upstairs. He says he won't be moving out until the boy is out of high school. That's a ridiculous idea! I think he should send the kid to a good boarding school where there are lots of boys his own age, which would be more fun for the kid. What do you think? -- Single and in Love, Winnipeg
Dear Single: You're just thinking about getting rid of the boy to clear a path for yourself, which would be more fun for you! Why should "the kid" (which doesn't sound very loving coming from you) be uprooted and packed off to school where he is a stranger? He already had one parent who completely failed him when he was born. Now he has two good role models. He is happy and stable where he is.
While this man is now sexually "fantastic," you can bet history is going to repeat itself and he will punt an interloper like you because you want to break up his modern family unit. The kind of woman he needs probably has her own kids and doesn't want to change her own living situation until the kids are up and out. There's nothing that's going to work for you here in the long term. Maybe you should head for greener pastures and find yourself a single or divorced man out living on the range on his own.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a middle-aged woman looking for a partner for companionship or maybe a serious relationship. Recently, I joined a singles club and am having a wonderful time meeting new people and going to social events. I've been receiving more attention than I expected, however, I don't know how to say no when I get asked out, or how to decline giving my phone number to someone I'm not attracted to. I'm finding it awkward.
How do I tactfully tell someone I am not interested without hurting his feelings? I have been a recipient of rejection, myself, so I know the feeling. I would appreciate your advice, so I can quit sweating over this. -- Feeling Awkward, Winnipeg
Dear Feeling: The white lie: "Thanks, but I'm not looking for anyone at the moment," is thought to be a way to give an intelligent man the hint and at least warn him not to add you to his list of romantic interests. The disadvantage? It makes it harder to accept a date at the end of the evening with someone else.
It's not really necessary to give any kind of explanation or justification, but you must be cheerful and kind. A pleasant, "Sorry, can't do it, but thanks for asking," is a little mystifying, but speedy, and doesn't involve a lie. It also leaves the path open to discreetly say yes to someone else at the event.
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