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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Klepto hubby needs help
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband thinks I don't know what he does. He steals things from me and our families. He pilfers money from me so little at a time -- five bucks here, five bucks there -- he thinks I don't notice. Now he's bringing things home from visits to relatives. They have started phoning, asking very politely, for things. I think he's a klepto and I put the definition from the computer right in fromt of him at the breakfast table. "I am not a thief," he said and went red to his ears. I asked him where he hid his stuff and he wouldn't say anything except: "I am wrongly accused." Then he went downstairs to his study and I followed, quiet as a mouse. I peeked through the crack in the door (quite wide) and he went to a chest he has and opened it with a key and he started taking out stuff. I recognized something of his sister's. Now what? I can't haul him to the doctor's but he is a sick man -- sick in his head. Please help me. What should I do about the trunk full of his stolen treasures? If I try to force him to open it and give me the stuff to give back to our relatives, I think he might hit me. He's done it before. -- Honest Wife, West End
Dear Honest: Your husband needs to see a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication and also start therapy at the same time. No one really knows the cause of kleptomania, although studies have shown low seratonin (a regulator of moods and emotions) levels in people who steal for no reason of need, except the irresistable urge to do it. Then there's the enjoyable release of feel-good dopamine during and after the thrill of the theft. Investigate exactly what help can be found through your doctor. As for the trunk full of loot, that's a very good question. I invite readers to write about what could be done about that. Your relatives want their things back. But, since you are afraid of your husband becoming violent,you have a complicated problem. For yourself, see a psychologist, and talk about everything -- his stealing, your whole relationship, and the violence. You can book an appointment, or get your doctor to refer you. Your husband really needs your family physician to refer him to a psychiatrist, which would be free on Medicare but there is a long waiting list and a psychologsit could give him interim care until he gets to the top of the list.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw something with my own eyes that I would never have believed. The women who lives next door, who is 45 if she's a day, has got some hanky panky going on with the oldest son of a couple who live across the street. She has a fence to enclose her pool, but I have a higher bedroom window. I looked out the window (as is my right) and saw the two of them in the pool naked as they day they were born. It was a hot day, but there was no need to be naked -- and together. About 20 minutes later, she started kissing him in the pool and I rapped on the window because I was so alarmed at what she was doing to the poor boy. That kid is only about 24; I have watched him grow up. They looked up and pulled away and he gave me the one finger salute! She hustled to the side of the pool where I couldn't see them get out. The next day I saw there was system ot overlapping umbrellas blocking my view. Should I tell his parents? -- Conerned Neighbour, River Heights
Dear Concerned: This young man is six years past the age of adulthood. He also gave you the finger. He doesn't want or need your help. So, the only person who's going to feel better about this once you tell, is maybe you. His parents are going to feel awkward and upset when you come calling with your report, and perhaps they'll quarrel with their son and the neighbour. You might even succeed in breaking up this little romance/sex buddy thing. But then everyblody will be good and sick of you. How about you pull down the shades on that window and go about your life? You have a choice. You can have four people upset with you and your meddling on the block, or look the other way and keep it down to two.
lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 11, 2012 D3
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