Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is inordinately fond of our barnyard animals. I don't mean that in a rude or illegal way. He just prefers to mucking around in the barn on our acreage than being in the house with me.
We have been married eight years and have no children (his sperm production is at fault). My husband loves kids, but unfortunately, I'm OK with no kids, so he has "adopted" all these animals and talks to them like children. Yesterday I stomped out to the barn and said, "While you're out here, why don't you do something useful like washing the car interior?" and he just glared at me. Should I break down and offer to adopt a child with him so we'd be a normal family unit? He seems to be getting very distant in more ways than one. -- Trouble Brewing, Near Winnipeg
Dear Trouble: If you think you'd be an impatient or indifferent mother, don't have a child. If you think you would be a good mother to one child, but you're not willing to have a bigger brood, no harm in that. It sounds like your husband will be a daddy-and-a-half.
As for his time out in the yard with the animals, don't take it personally. Instead, make a cup of coffee and go out and sit on a hay bale in the barn and enjoy the outdoors and the animals and the spring babies that will come. When people are totally unwilling to share passionate interests it can cause a gradual drifting apart, as you seem to be experiencing. You could tighten that up.
Now let's talk about the house that he avoids. Is it fun and enjoyable for him when he's in the house or are you slightly annoyed by his non-participation and always handing him a list of things you want him to do? How about putting sex and affection high on the list when he comes through the door instead of complaining? And here's a tip: Never start a sentence with, "Why don't you just... " because the automatic reply that comes to mind is, "Why don't you just (bad word, bad word)."
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm crazy about baking and as a result I am ballooning out and my husband is keeping pace. He says the constant smell keeps him continuing to stuff himself with lemon buns, pies and cakes -- staples made around here every day. I don't know how to get off this kick, which we both love. We have gained 30 pounds since the wedding only 18 months ago. We are both almost 30. How can be both stop eating the baking we love? -- Dying From Baking? Downtown
Dear Dying: This is a dangerous obsession. Don't destroy your attractiveness, health, mobility and sexuality by putting on more and more fat each week. You're too young to harm yourselves like this. Give up baking on weekdays at least. At this point, when you really need to lose weight, it might be smartest to organize your lives so you go to a gym together in the evening and get out of the kitchen. There you can balance out the calories you consume and reduce the leisure time you have available to bake. Not going to happen? Then bake for your neighbours and the homeless, and get appreciation back for your efforts instead of bad health at an early age.
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