Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dog almost took the fence down trying to get at the neighbour's young female dog. This was a big source of amusement for my male neighbour, about 26. I wasn't laughing, because the fence is new and expensive and necessary for my pool. He said he was looking to have his dog (the same breed) have puppies, so he asked if I would like to breed my dog with his, who was in high heat. I said a hesitant OK and the deed got done the next day. But now my neighbour thinks we're chummy and is acting too intimate. I don't want to talk about "it" and the coming puppies every day. We are both single and he seems to think we have a special bond over the dogs as I will be getting pick of the litter. How do I tell the guy to back off, without seeming rude? -- Weirded-Out Neighbour, North End
Dear Weirded-Out: You have to let this inspiring event cool off for him. Be polite, but don't stop to talk when you get to your car and he's in the yard. If you do get stuck chatting, end the conversation with a pleasant. "Let me know when the puppies are born." That will clear up what the relationship means to you. He'll know you have no inclination to act like an expectant grandparent with him over the next few months.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married the love of my life this summer. Last night at the lake, she got really drunk after our friends left in their boat, and decided she needed to confess she had cheated on me during our engagement "just once and it didn't mean anything" and she "doesn't remember the guy's name." It was the night of her stagette. I know damn well who it was -- her ex -- and I accused her of it. She got beet red and she started sobbing and saying it was just a "one last time" thing. Now I am in hell. I want to stay with her but I feel like the door is open, and I owe her one. I know just the girl to give it to me. I think the only thing that's going to help me is if I even the score. What do you think? -- Bitter and Angry, Winnipeg
Dear Bitter: Fast-forward. You go to some old girlfriend or a woman who has eyes for you and get even. Then what? You go home and report it so your bride can feel how much it hurts to be cheated on? Do you really think she's going to say, "OK, dear, I deserved that, and I'll stay with you, so we can start fresh?" That's not how women think. Men more often think in terms of justice and making things even. Women, not so much! No matter she did it first, she is much more likely to react by packing her clothes and calling you a vindictive (creep). You'd be better off to demand counselling and see where that takes you, since you really don't want her to leave. By the way, did you have a wild stag? Did she think you cheated at it? Don't offer her that possibility as an easy excuse, but try to find out in a roundabout way.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am so angry! I asked my best friend to tell me truthfully if she liked my new glasses, and she said very quickly, "No, they make you look old and boring." I could have accepted anything but SHE KNEW my husband called me that, and left me. I told her two months ago I thought her gas-guzzling SUV was "immoral" and she's been bringing that up over and over. I don't know why I laid my throat bare to her. This is my best friend, and I don't have many friends. What should I do? -- So Mad at Her, West Kildonan
Dear So Mad At her: It's interesting you gave her a chance to bite your throat. She lost no time sinking her teeth in. So say something like this: "I know how hurt you were over my SUV remark by the return insult over my glasses. I'm sorry for my preaching, and will never do it again. Are you sorry for what you said to me? I hope we can work this out and be good friends again and both learn when to keep our big mouths shut." That should get a smile, and possibly a return apology and a hug. The best apologies express sincere remorse and promise safety from harm in the future.
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