Let ex know her overtures are unwanted

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got a big fat letter in the mail today, stuffed with six old photos of me and my high school ex, with a pink lipstick kiss on a mushy note, no signature. Of course, I know who this is, and I am sick and tired of her already. It's my former sweetheart, who found me on Facebook a month ago and is after me, now that she's found out I'm divorcing my wife. I swear she's gained 50-60 pounds in the last 10 years and she has three kids. Her husband? Apparently, he took off and she's not sure where he is (probably up North, she says) and she doesn't want to know, because he's violent when he drinks and that's his favourite hobby. I look good on paper now because I am a professional with a good job and no kids. My wife and I are separated for good because she's a gambler and I don't love her any more. She finagled some of our common money to gamble away, but I got out before it was totally awful. Now this little bloodsucker wants me and she's sending me pictures of when we were in love. OK, I was head-over-heels then, but not now -- and she dumped me for a hockey player. How do I get rid of her? -- Attracting Bloodsuckers, Winnipeg

Dear Attracting: Send the photos back and tell her that era of your life is over, and you have not been interested in her since she dumped you. Tell her you're even less interested now she's started this campaign, so she should stop chasing you immediately. Give her a chance to make one reply to say she'll leave you alone. If she doesn't respect your wishes, block her on Facebook and on your email if you want your privacy back, and send letters back to her address, unopened. She will definitely get the message then.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just tried out a new car-for-lease and am in love with it. I am newly married and my husband and I, both in our 20s, made the mistake of having a joint account, thinking that was the romantic and committed thing to do. Now we watch every penny the other one spends. Last month he spent a big whack of our money on a fishing trip he's taking with his buddies and now I want to lease this car. We are both looking at the diminishing mutual account critically and not feeling happy about it, or about each other. Last night I suggested separate accounts and we chip in half for all expenses like we did before we got married. He said that "doesn't look good on our marriage." I said it doesn't change the worth of our marriage. Now he wants three accounts -- one joint account for expenses and two separate ones. What do you think? I make about 25 per cent more than he does, and he is a big spender on toys and trips. -- Married to Big Spender

Dear Married: If things worked well before you got married, then revert to two separate accounts and divvying up expenses, with another mutual savings account for something big like a house. That way you are still contributing to something together, but your money is pretty much separate. You will want to change this arrangement if and when you have babies. Remember, he will end up paying more when that happens. You should agree to revisit this plan in two or three years, when the baby question comes up. There's no need to be fighting over money when you are still just a couple of young people, with no dependents. Try to enjoy being connected newlyweds, but maintain some autonomy and have some fun with your "own money."

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 9, 2013 D4