Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-boyfriend took cellphone videos of me in bed when I wasn't aware, and then showed them to me before erasing them in front of me. Relief! Not long after, I broke up with him because I didn't trust him over other things. He was very hurt and angry. Last week he sent me a copy of one video he hadn't erased. Now I wonder if there are more.
I didn't willingly pose nude, but I don't know what he might have gotten of me when we were intimate. Now I feel like I have to be nice to him because he might have stuff of me that I don't know about, like moments during sex when we weren't watching each other. -- Creeped Out, Winnipeg
Dear Creeped Out: See the police about this harassment. Your ex has silently threatened you by showing you embarrassing shots he kept, and lied about. Knowing that you're not going to cower, and that authorities have been alerted, might stop him in his tracks.
No one expects a loving, trusting sexual relationship to go rotten, but sometimes even the best ones do. It would be best if everybody checked their phones at the bedroom door, but many people -- not just young ones -- sleep with cellphones right by their heads. Most people know it's chancy to have a camera lens close by in the bedroom, but they don't think of phones the same as cameras, yet phones take perfect photos and instant movies that can be sent off immediately for other people to see. Hopefully, people can learn from experiences like yours, which are happening with disturbing regularity.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm writing in response to the ex-wife who wants to text and/or call her husband's new girlfriend who takes the daughter out shopping, which I think she is considering spoiling. I have been a stepmom of two kids for 10 years. Although I don't always agree with their bio mother's parenting style, I know they love their mom and I respect that.
At times I feel that if you are a good stepmom the biological mom doesn't like you. Being the wicked stepmom almost makes the bio mom feel better or more worthy. The reason I take such good care of the stepkids is because they are the innocent parties in the divorce and their lives shouldn't change.
Step-parents are not a threat unless your own insecurities take over. Kids are resilient and they can easily adapt to two homes and two sets of rules. It's like having different teachers at school for different classes. I'd do anything for my stepchildren to be allowed to be themselves with me and not have the constant pressure of pleasing their bio mom all the time. To all the stepmoms out there, keep up the good work. -- Winnipeg Stepmom, Winnipeg
Dear Winnipeg Stepmom: There are lots of wonderful step-parents out there. Some are appreciated early in the journey, and some are not appreciated until the stepchildren are adults and don't live with their moms. While many bio moms keep quiet about their feelings towards their kids' step-parents, some stay angry with the stepmother forever. Your stepkids will likely feel freer and more demonstrative when they're older.
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