Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 2/6/2013 (1360 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went away on a business trip and had a one-night stand for the first time in my life. I'm in my 30s, and he was my second sexual partner. We had some drinks and shared that we were both married, with kids, having married our high school loves. We exchanged contact information, but I assumed he wouldn't contact me again. I came home, not even really thinking about what happened. What has me perplexed and thinking about him like crazy, is that he contacted me a few days later after I arrived home and we had the best conversation. He then emailed me the next day telling me he arrived home safely, but he never contacted me again after I replied to his email. I was fine walking away that night and never hearing from him again, but the fact that he initiated contact and then stopped is driving me crazy! I want to know why he didn't reply. Can I contact him and ask why? I feel like I need closure. -- Can't Tell a Soul, Winnipeg
Dear Can't Tell: He contacted you afterwards, instead of treating you like a total one-night stand, but now he's back home and back in his marriage. It's over; it was an interlude, with pleasantries afterwards. There's no need for re-contacting him for "closure." Let the memory die; don't cultivate it. This fling didn't look like it was going to break your marriage to your childhood sweetheart, and it hopefully satisfied your curiosity about other men. But, if you continue to play at this, it can destroy your home. Consider talking this out privately with a counsellor. In previous years, my advice might have been to come clean with your mate about this fling, but so many marriages are hitting the skids and so many children are suffering, it isn't worth it -- if you aren't going to do this again. Hopefully, this proves to you that flings have the potential to cause bigger trouble than you guessed.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've fallen in love with my teenager's teacher over the school year. My son is difficult and we've had to have many talks about him, which has led to a feeling -- at least from my side -- of closeness and intimacy. We have both talked about our own family backgrounds and the chats go on an hour or so past talking about my child. The end of June will soon be here, and I fear a long, lonely summer without seeing this teacher. This man is single -- only eight years younger than I am -- and doesn't mention anyone in his life, so I might have a chance with him. My son may not be in any of his classes next September. I tried to talk him into taking one of them, but he didn't want to. I think he may be onto us. Please help. -- Upset Mom, Winnipeg
Dear Mom: There is no "us." This male teacher is not showing interest in seeing you outside of talking at school. He may think of you as a kind of friend to do with his working world. For all you know, he has a love interest -- male or female -- he's not talking about because it wouldn't be appropriate. It's strange he's chatting with you way after the meeting over your son is finished, I'll give you that. But, there is a grey area of relationships that can happen through work channels, that feels more intimate than casual friendship. This often happens when people see clients or customers repeatedly for deep discussions. Some of these intimate friendships go on for years and never progress to a sexual level. Others do. In your case, this crush problem at your son's school isn't all about you and your feelings. If your child is already having difficulties at school, why would you chase after his teacher? That would only mess him up further.
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