Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm having an affair with my neighbour and she's much younger -- totally legal, but 22 years younger. My wife went away with her girlfriends for two weeks and doesn't know what got started when she was out of the country. I didn't go looking for this. My neighbour is a single mom and lonely and she came over to ask for a jump for her car one evening. We fixed the car and then she invited me in for coffee. She found out my wife was away down south. That gave her the "in" she needed. So, you can imagine what happened when I invited her over to see my place one night she had a babysitter. My kids are grown and gone so we lit the fireplace in more ways than one. My wife came home and it didn't stop. It is way too close for comfort but my body keeps finding excuses to go over and see this woman. I tell my wife I'm doing carpentry over there. Please advise. I do love my wife very much, but the sizzle is long gone and now I am getting "it" I need it. -- Rock and a Hard Place, Winnipeg
Dear Rock: You lit the fuse on a bomb, and the time is ticking away -- until your whole world blows up. Put this situation on fast forward to the place where you get caught, because you will: Your wife is crying and saying she's leaving. Your grown kids hate you for devastating their mother. It is extremely embarrassing for your wife and she wants revenge on you and the neighbour. You are feeling guilty and cave in to confessing all the details. Your wife is going crazy now with pain, and can't live beside your mistress and gets a tough divorce lawyer. The house is quickly up for sale. And here's the worst part: you still love your wife, and feel terrible about losing her. Wouldn't it make a lot more sense to break it off with your young neighbour and try to make things work with your wife? Or, break up with your wife and let her be free to see someone else, like you are already doing? Maybe she's had it with you, too. Maybe she went on holiday without you because she's bored and looking. It's time to find out.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I walked home from the bus stop and saw something I couldn't believe. An old woman was looking in my dining room window from beside my house. I walked right up to her and said, "This is my house. What the heck are you doing?" And she said, "This used to be my house and I was happy here. I haven't been happy since" and then she said "Your family looks very happy here. I am sorry. I won't be back. Don't call the police." I didn't, because I felt sorry for her, but it gives me the creeps and now I keep all the curtains closed at night. What else should I do? -- Nervous, River Heights
Dear Nervous: Peering in strangers' windows is not normal behaviour. You can easily find out who lived there before you did from neighbours or public records. Then you should call your lawyer. At the very least, this woman's family or friends need to be alerted, as she needs some psychological help. She said she wouldn't be back, but you can't count on that because you can't expect rational behaviour from someone who is starting to lose control. Poor dear!
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