Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Lust can make fools out of the smartest of us

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate men from the waist down. I love the way they think and the male sense of humour, but I hate how they're ruled by their netherworld. I'm a woman in university with a high IQ and I'm solidly heterosexual, but men get so stupid when they are physically turned on by a woman. I just can't respect the inequality in this area and it turns me off. -- IQ of 170, University of Manitoba

Dear 170: Women can become equally stupid when they desperately want a baby and time is running out. They have been known to make very foolish choices, such as judging men who should have been a fling, to be husband and father material. Both sexes need forgiveness for our blind-spot biologies. Sometimes we're just animals, cross-eyed with inexplicable lust. That's why love relationships formed in the workplace, or in schools like yours, have a better chance of being based on compatible intelligence, respect for character and shared values, plus good old lust. Look around you. Your mate may be very close by.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a woman with strong gut feelings for danger. My friends say I'm psychic. My partner says I'm just a pain in the butt. I'm usually right, though. I felt my partner was going to get in a car accident when he went out the door last March. I begged him not to go, and he laughed. One hour later he slid into the back of another car and ended up with a neck injury. This summer I felt my daughter's husband was cheating. I told her. She told me to shut up, but she discovered his affair with a work mate on the computer.

Now my feelings have come to bite me. I felt my own husband was straying. I asked him to stop. He swore I was a "crazy old woman," suspecting him. (I'm only 51.) A week later the feeling stopped and I felt we were clear again. I told him and he laughed and said in his accent, "She didn't mean nuttin' to me anyway. You're da one I love." Then he said I was lucky to have him because no other man would put up with a crazy woman reading his mind. Is he right about that? -- Hate Being Alone, Winnipeg

Dear Hate Being Alone: There are two words from the lips of a cheating spouse that set counsellors on high alert: "crazy" and "lucky." Calling the person they cheated on "crazy" is an attempt to get them to doubt thoughts, feelings and evidence -- like they're losing their minds and imagining it all. Telling you you're "lucky" to have a cheater because you're defective and can't get anybody else is an attempt to beat down your self-esteem. Punt this cheater before he breaks you down further. There will be better partners for you.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 15, 2013 D5

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