Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Make cheating wife sweat for forgiveness

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife cheated on me years ago. It took work, but I forgave her 100 per cent, until recently when I learned it was not just "some guy." She slept with my best friend at the time.

He and I are no longer close, as he and his wife moved away. But this knowledge has destroyed me. Both of them lied to me for years. I confided in him, to help me get through it. Now I feel like I was a joke to them.

I want to move on and forgive my wife again, as she says she lied to help me. This is true, as the truth could have wrecked my friendship, marriage and career at the time. But can you really forgive years of lies? Years of trips, and hanging out with the man who slept with my wife? I love her and want to move past this. -- Head Spinning

 

Dear Spinning: She says she lied to help you? Puh-lease. She lied to help herself, and the guy who called himself your best friend. Hopefully, both were nervous about being found out and felt enormous guilt, but don't bet on it. And how often did it really happen?

This best friend of yours had some nerve listening to you and "helping" you get through the betrayal he helped to cause. But equal or greater blame goes to your wife, who chose to have sex with her husband's best friend. Now she feeds you this ridiculous notion she was protecting you. Are you planning to swallow that?

She has played you for a chump before and is prepared to do it again. At least tell her you don't accept that nonsense as a reason to forgive her again. If you do forgive her a second time, it is because you have chosen to stay with her, not because she saved your friendship, marriage and career!

Because this is such a mind-bender for you, insist on relationship counselling to see if you can work this out as a couple, or not. Make that woman sweat and work to keep you. You need to become an equal partner, not your wife's patsy.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I forgot people could send letters in the mail, so when I checked my husband's electronic devices for traces of a suspected "other woman," I found nothing. I'd forgotten to check the snail mail. He gets the mail every day from the box when I'm off at work.

Recently he went on a suspicious "fishing" holiday for a week, and I went in his garage to snoop. I found a box of a woman's disgusting love letters, hidden under his desk drawers, all dated this spring. I can't stop reading them. I am in hell. Please help me. -- Sideswiped by Love Letters

 

Dear Sideswiped: Today, stop reading the letters and torturing yourself. Put the box of love letters between you and you husband at the dining table and ask him to come talk to you "about something important." Not on the couch, where he isn't looking directly at you.

Keep one in your hand to read, in case he grabs the box. It's time for a big discussion, and an emergency trip to a marriage counsellor who will help bring out the facts of this dalliance. Have one set up ahead of time.

Your husband may be amenable to going or he may simply want to break off your relationship to be with this fishy woman, so quietly sneak off to see a lawyer he doesn't know, before he does. Make the appointment today.


Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 15, 2014 C4

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

The greening of Elphaba the Wicked Witch in Wicked

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • RUTH BONNEVILLE / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS June 23, 2011 Local - A Monarch butterfly is perched on a flower  in the newly opened Butterfly Garden in Assiniboine Park Thursday morning.
  • An American White Pelican takes flight from the banks of the Red River in Lockport, MB. A group of pelicans is referred to as a ‘pod’ and the American White Pelican is the only pelican species to have a horn on its bill. May 16, 2012. SARAH O. SWENSON / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

Does Canada need a national inquiry into the disproportionately high number of missing and murdered aboriginal women?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google