Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

You have to tell your fiancé about the past

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My fiancé has always wanted me to drink a couple of bottles of champagne with him and see what happens. He thinks we'll lose all our sexual inhibitions, and yet be with someone we totally trust "and try everything and anything." I don't drink champagne anymore -- just the odd cocktail, and only one I don't particularly like. He doesn't know that champagne was a big problem for me when I lived in another city and did a lot of modelling. We drank champagne like 7-Up, especially at shows, and were often catapulting down the runway. That's not all the substances did, but I won't get into that. I've never told him about this. I quit the business before it finished me completely. This is a piece of my past I thought I'd never have to share. I cleaned up my life by getting out of the business and never looking back. I don't trust myself to play with it. -- Former Substance Abuser, Winnipeg

 

Dear Substance Abuser: This is the man you're planning to marry. You need to know he will accept you and not keep bringing you to a place of harm, and then pushing. Right now he has no idea what he is doing -- not fair. First, tell him about the past battle with liquor, so he knows why you refuse this idea of his. Then tell him you're never going to use liquor to get to a place of no inhibitions, but you'll still get there with total trust and acceptance... I suspect he has a fantasy he wants to try with you or a fetish he may have that he wants to get out in the open. Now would be a good time to start sharing truths and vulnerabilities. A lot of information may come out when he has had a few drinks and you have had a coffee, once you establish a safety zone of trust.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm hungry for love, for a woman's arms, for her warmth and laughter and female ways. I am sick of living in my "male paradise" as my mother jokingly calls it. I have the typical single man's black leather and glass apartment with lots of electronic equipment and a fancy shower and no food in the fridge and pizza boxes in the closet. I have a lot of disposable income and I'm told I'm pretty good-looking.

I just discovered something recently. I'm ready to be get married and have kids, but I have been such a player I don't know where to start.

On the weekend, I experimented. I tried to be a nice guy and take this woman home from the bar and kiss her good night, and she pulled me into her apartment by the tie and had me on the living room floor. I went for it, out of habit, but that's not what I want. My parents had a great marriage. I want that. How do I change? -- Player No More, Downtown

 

Dear Player No More: Since you may have a reputation for being a player at your favourite bars, you might want to start fresh online under "long term" or "looking for love and marriage." Pay for memberships on a few sites and be willing to fill out big registration forms detailing your interests and personality type. Get into the discussion forums and find out how different women think on these sites. When you date people you meet online in real time, take it slow as you are playing for big stakes now -- a wife for life, and babies, too.

 

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 5, 2013 C4

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