Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Can you please tell Hurting Nurse that I am sorry from the bottom of my heart for the affair with her husband. I am tired of the lies and the guilt of all the pain I have caused her and others. I am so very sorry and am ready to tell the truth if she wants to hear it. -- Sorry, Winnipeg
Dear Sorry: It is up to you now. If you see her at the hospital when you are visiting your loved one, give her a note saying what you have above. She may or may not want to discuss it, but it is worth trying, in person or by email. Offer her your email at least.
I hope things work out. You both seem like feeling people caught up in a bad mess.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think the lady whose husband thinks she is asexual might very likely have been sexually molested when she was young. I'm 78, and only at 76 finally placed the last puzzle piece in place and realized what had happened to me when I was seven. I couldn't respond to sexual actions, no matter what. "Down under" had been locked and the key lost. Privately was the only way of response for me, and though my husband and I tried hard to make things happen, they never did -- not for me.
Luckily, we stayed together, but I was ready to leave many times until I realized where the trouble lay. It pre-dated my marriage and now I am writing a book I hope to publish.
No one ever suspected the complex man my dad was, only that he was a good teacher. He must have threatened me within an inch of my life, so that not a peep from me might ruin his reputation. My memory was blocked in a terrifying manner. Only the strange horrific dreams and clues I gathered all my life finally put it all together.
I read book after book and discovered how such children's brains are altered. It is tragic. How can we help to change what is going on? So much rape, I say. I have dedicated the rest of my life to helping things change, especially for little children. -- Where Do I Start? Manitoba
Dear Where: You have started with getting it down in your book. Don't worry about anything else for now. Most likely the conclusions you come to as you write will help you know where to go next. Maybe writing and/or publishing the book will be enough. You might want to get some counselling with a specialist about this. It's never too late.
It needn't cost you too much to self-publish your book. McNally Robinson can also help you to self-publish and will keep a number of books on the shelf. If they get below a certain number, they just make more on their machines.
And here's a tip: Although yours is a difficult topic, make sure you get an editor to correct the mistakes you can't see because you made them yourself. Your eyes will not pick them out. Too many unedited self-published books have spelling and grammatical errors that detract from your credibility and the message itself.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My stepfather accidentally stepped on my mother's hand as she was sitting on a couch and bending to get at her boot on the floor. He said a quick, "Oops, I apologize." She said bitterly, "Why apologize now? You've stepped on me so many times before."
I was horrified. I don't know what she meant. Should I ask, or keep my mouth shut? -- Horrified Daughter, Winnipeg
Dear Horrified: It's bothering you a lot, so there is no choice: you need to ask. Your mother said it in front of you, so she may be willing to tell the truth about the relationship with her current husband. You don't say how old you are, but you have a right to ask about something said right in front of your face like that. Please write me back with how it goes.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in answer to Getting No Respect and the problem with friends who bring cellphones to the dinner table. Make a rule that the phones are turned face down and anyone picking up to look or answer has to pay for all the drinks or wine, and the next person has to pay for all the meals.
I guarantee, with the price of dinner for six, phones will be ignored. -- Bill Trick, Winnipeg
Dear Bill Trick: I received several letters with similar suggestions. One question: If someone sneaks out to use a phone -- a second one or the restaurant phone -- in the hallway, are they dinged for all the dinners? Do you walk each other to the bathroom? There are still some problems to work out with this plan, but it has merit.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6