Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Moving on beats being locked up

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm deeply "in hate" with my ex. She took everything. I actually gave it to her, just to shut her up. I was drinking hard and I just roughed her up a few times when she was screaming at me. She always started it. She was going to get me for assault and her girlfriend had pictures of the bruises. I said I was sorry 100 times.

Now I am only drinking beer, no more whisky, but she won't even talk to me. She said last night, when she finally answered her phone, "We don't have any children so there is no need to talk anymore about anything, ever again!"

I love her, but I hate her now. I feel both at the same time. Last night my brother told me to "get out of Dodge" because I was doing a little stalking at nights, and she phoned him up and said she was ready to charge me. I was always taught to stay and face my problems, not to run. What do you think? -- Messed Up, East Kildonan

 

Dear Messed: "Moving on" is different from running away. It's time for you to move on, in every sense of the expression.

Your brother is a smart guy. There's nothing here for you now. The relationship is over and you're doing a better job of flirting with jail time than flirting with your ex. So, remove yourself from the local area, even the province. Once you get out of here and get settled, do get help with the drinking problem and the anger. When you get out of Dodge, make sure it's far enough you can't drive back to Winnipeg in a rage when you've had a snootful of beer.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please don't think I'm crazy or a nympho. I just have a problem. I'm lusting for three men: my young boss, my golf buddy and my husband. Unfortunately, my husband, who is 21 years older than I am, acts like he has lost his sex drive. I took my hot, unsatisfied body to a great golf course this summer and ran into many attractive men, but one in particular. Also, every day I work closely with a virile young man who is now my boss. I don't know who I like best but I'd like to have sex with all of them.

The trouble is I feel guilty when I think about my husband who claims he loves me, but really, he could care less about sex. And I hate it when he pats my back and calls me "old girl." I am in only in my late 40s, with the sex drive of a 25-year-old. My husband now seems to have the sexual appetite of an ant. He can have sex using Viagra or Cialis, but he can't even be bothered with that, telling me it's "too risky with the side-effects." Then why does he keep some in his car in the garage? What should I do about my complicated situation, Miss L.? Help! -- Confused Sexy Woman, Tuxedo

 

Dear Confused: Your husband may not have an appetite for you, but he may be seeing someone else. Do you ever check how much medication he has in the car and if it fluctuates? It's time for a heart-to-heart talk. Do you still love your husband? Is there a lot of money and property at stake? Do you want to stay together because you're close friends and have a family history? Is there a fondness there?

Perhaps if you could stay together in an open marriage that would be the way to go with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. The way things are going now both of you may be looking at other people for romance and satisfaction. My guess is he's getting his satisfaction and you're not. You listed him in your three sexual prospects. Maybe he thinks you've lost desire for him. How about a test? Bring the meds in from the car, lead him into the bedroom, smile and simply say "Let's go!" No discussion or criticism, just a frank declaration of your sexual desire for him.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A few years ago, I had a little crush on a man who rides the 68 bus with me. He is a quiet, good-looking man with a sweet smile, who is always reading a book. I was involved with someone at the time, so it was never more than a one-sided, mild flirtation and then, one day, he wasn't there anymore. I never really thought much of it until now.

My relationship is ending and I've started taking an earlier bus, only to find my former crush had just changed his hours of work. I'd love to follow up on this, but when our house sells, I will move and take a different bus. Until then, I am living (but no longer sleeping) with another man. What should I do? Would I be cheating if I start something while I'm still sharing a house with my soon-to-be ex? -- Bus Lust, Winnipeg

 

Dear Bus Lust: You are one frisky filly, so eager to get out of that gate. Could you keep this transit crush gentled down until you divest yourself of the marital home and the man you want to lose for good? It will be better for the finances if you aren't actually "cheating." And you need a new place of your own, badly. For now, befriend the bus-lust guy but don't ask him out until you get away from the marriage house.

By the way, what does it matter if the bus passenger is only on your same bus route temporarily, if you have decided to actually get to know him this time? You could find a way to meet -- rent a car, pick him up in a taxi, the back of a scooter. Where's your imagination?


Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 14, 2014 D4

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