Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Need makes her booty call to all

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a woman with a greater than normal need for love and affection. I tend to need it to the point where I make unwise moves in bars and with old boyfriends. The other day, an ex-boyfriend teased me by calling me the most frequent booty caller he ever had. He suggested I not call again. I felt so low, like I was some kind of tramp. I need a boyfriend, but I can't find one. Online dating sites aren't my style. I don't know what my problem is. I just crave love and attention all the time, every minute of the day. I'm like a bottomless pit. The more I get, the more I want. I don't know how to slow down the pursuit of it, and stop being everybody's easy booty. -- So Lonely, Winnipeg

 

Dear Lonely: Realize this important fact: sex and affection gained from a booty call isn't getting you what you want. The hunger is still there, unsatisfied, the minute the sex is over. It won't go away until you get professional help for what's causing it. You need counselling to help you identify the things that need fixing inside you. Once you get that figured out and can reach a state of calm, you won't need to be making booty calls for quick fixes that don't fix anything at all. Then you can look for a real relationship when you're ready.

Psychiatrists are free on medicare, but the waiting list is long. Psychologists cost money, but are often available within a week. Your workplace might have full or partial insurance for a psychologist. Counselling of all kinds costs anywhere from $30-$130, sometimes on a sliding scale according to your ability to pay. Counsellors attached to clergy are usually free, as is daily walk-in counselling at Klinic, 545 Broadway (204-784-4067 for hours). Friends just won't do the trick. You need someone who is trained to listen and has solutions and resources for you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate where I work. I feel dread in my stomach when I wake up each morning and I'm always waiting for the axe to fall. I get yelled at a lot by different people and it takes five beers and a lot of time with bar friends to get me to a place where I am relaxed and can go home to my family. By 8 p.m., dinner is cold and my wife is mad. That leads to angry words, the kids crying and no sex for another night. I don't know what to do. Help! -- Caught in a Trap, North End

 

Dear Caught: The two-pronged fork of your unhappiness is work and alcohol. That means your focus has to be finding work and getting help for the drinking. If you basically like the work you are trained for, can you work for this company's rival? (There would be some satisfaction in that.) Perhaps you might need a government program where you can retrain in a different area.

Whatever the case, you need a job where there is no verbal abuse, no dread and no humiliation. Even if you get paid less, you will save money by not buying liquor after work, so you'll be in a better situation. Sometimes two part-time jobs are better as a transition to another full-time job than staying at one job where you get mistreated. It can't help that you bring your upsets from home and your fear to work every day. This 24-hour stress can kill you over the long run.

Start looking at online job sites such as Workopolis.ca, Monster.ca and Winnipegjobshop.ca. If you're over 45, you can try Thirdquarter.ca. You can also go to the government's Service Canada online job bank, or, if you don't have a computer, access everything through computers at their offices.

Even if you don't love the next job(s) you do, as long as there are no toxic emotions attached to it, you will be in a far better place. You can skip the drinking and go home in a decent mood, help around the house, enjoy your kids and be sweet to your wife. But can you skip the drinking? It may be time to see the good people at the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba (204-944-6200) and find out how far down the trail you have gotten and what you can do about it.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 7, 2014 D4

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