Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Neither party gets what it wants

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Your answer to the 23-year-old mom who gets no help from her husband was incredibly sexist. A lot of people work in excess of 40 hours per week and still uphold their responsibilities at home. Maybe he should take the kids for a walk while his wife does her studies. He would cook if he didn't get nagged for leaving a mess? Cooking the meal includes cleanup. He is not "helping" if it causes his wife extra work to handle the aftermath. He needs to man up to his responsibilities. His daughter would gain a lot more if he read her a bedtime story instead of being lazy and sticking in a movie. Quite honestly, he would gain a lot as well. I can't think of anything more rewarding than active parenting. Wow, I just can't believe your answer; I thought I was in a time warp. -- A Modern Woman, Winnipeg

Dear Modern Woman: Telling this young husband to "man up" to his responsibilities (sexist language, by the way) is not working. This young mom on maternity leave has asked and berated him many times. When he does gives her help, he's not doing it her way and not doing enough. Why would he want to do more? You have to look at the situation here practically and ask yourself which is the greater good. Is it better she punts this husband, thereby ending the squabbles? Reread the part where she says she still loves him! If she kicks him out, she loses the family income, the father to her children and the guy she loves. Maybe an old-fashioned marriage is all she can get from this guy. Is it better to divorce the man she loves and the father of her children? Nobody wins 100 per cent with my solution, but they don't lose 100 per cent either.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How many hours should a person stay out after work for drinks with work friends without calling home? -- Don't Like It, Ft. Richmond

Dear Don't Like It: A loving couple would get in touch with each other before the work day ends and say if they'll be home for supper and, if not, where they're going to be and approximately when they'll be home.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 20, 2012 D8

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