Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

New lease on sex life not with wife

  • Print

Dear MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm married and I had sex with another woman this weekend. It was great, and here's the weird part: I'm not sorry! My wife "makes love" with me once a month, if that, and she puts up with it. We have three kids and she is fixed, so there's no fear of another pregnancy. She just doesn't like me touching her anymore. I will never abandon my kids and their mother until the children are out of the house, so where does that leave me? Sexless for the next 10 years? I guess not!

This woman is married, too, so I'm safe. We both have the same to lose if we're not careful. I feel exhilarated and manly again. Cheating will be the thing that keeps me in my marriage. Up until last weekend, I thought I was stuck in a sexless hell for good. Any advice for me now, Miss Smartypants? -- Problem Solved, Winnipeg

Dear Problem: It's interesting you wrote to brag about this, try to insult me and get more advice, all at the same time. You are not showing signs of being the kind of careful man who can pull off an affair and you seem to be feeling guilty, whether you admit it or not. Guilt and a loose tongue will get a cheater into trouble very quickly.

My advice? Many marriage partners need counselling, certainly when they get to the no-sex stage. Why not ask your wife to go with you for help? You loved that woman once above all others, and perhaps still love her deep down, especially if the sex problem could be fixed. At least get help and try. If that doesn't work, move out and live nearby to share custody of the kids. Then you can find a real relationship you can enjoy all the time instead of sneaking around with a married woman. Remember, you two have the potential to hurt a lot of kids' lives if you get caught.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love eating chocolate to the point where I actually go crazy without it. Last night, my husband was furious because I made a midnight pilgrimage to the 7-Eleven to get three chocolate bars. Just one a day will not do me anymore. I went to a counsellor who said I was "stuffing a hole" with chocolate and asked, "What is the hole in your life?" How rude and presumptuous! My life is perfect. I have a great marriage and two fine boys. There is no hole, but is there an addiction. Can you be a chocoholic? I would like to hear from you, but no offence, I would also like to hear from your readers. If there is a support group out there, I might join it to shut my husband up. He has forced me to realize three chocolate bars a day (he doesn't know about the rest) is a little too much. -- Chocoholic or Not? St. James

Dear Chocoholic: "Chocoholism" is a craving, but not on the scientific map as a physical addiction. You'd be upset if you couldn't get your chocolate, but you wouldn't go through withdrawal or need to go to rehab. You could be craving sugar or the yummy taste and the small bump in endorphins. As for caffeine, the amount in a pure chocolate bar is comparable to less than half a cup of coffee.

The psychological aspect is something else. We associate chocolate with getting a treat as kids and with rewarding and comforting times from our childhood to adulthood. In your case, chocolate has become a forbidden treat, a guilty pleasure just for you to enjoy, to the extent you hide some of the daily intake from your partner. Your counsellor was not wrong, but you don't want to think there's a problem or you'll have to stop.

You say your husband and family life is perfect, but is work causing anxiety? Money? Weight? A fast-paced life? A sick parent or friend? Can you truly say you feel relaxed? If you didn't feel guilty complaining about your perfect life, what would come out in talking to someone who doesn't know you? Write back and tell me.

Please send your questions or comments c/o or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 19, 2014 A15

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes


  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.


Make text: Larger | Smaller


MTS Centre a Winnipeg whiteout as NHL playoffs return after 19 years

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • A water lily in full bloom is reflected in the pond at the Leo Mol Sculpture Garden Tuesday afternoon. Standup photo. Sept 11,  2012 (Ruth Bonneville/Winnipeg Free Press)
  • A Yellow-bellied Sapsucker hangs out on a birch tree in St. Vital. The Yellow-bellied Sapsucker is considered a keystone species. Other species take advantage of the holes that the birds make in trees. A group of sapsuckers are collectively known as a

View More Gallery Photos


Do you think the Jets will win Game 4 on Wednesday?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google