DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I confess right up front I am a minor-league stalker. I always check out a boyfriend if he leaves me to see if there's another woman. This last guy told me he was a "commitment-phobe" and should do me a favour and bow out before he really hurt me. Too late! We were close to an engagement and talking about kids and then he started cooling off, staying at work late and all the usual crap that means cheating. I got my girlfriends to stake out his place and they said things like, "He's only spending time with a buddy as far as we can see." Then a call came last night from my cousin who drove by his place after the bar and waited a few parking spaces down and read a magazine. At 2 a.m. she saw my ex come out to his car with that same buddy and kiss him good-night on the mouth. What am I supposed to do with that information? I am so upset hurt and angry! SDHp-- Going Nuts, Winnipeg
Dear Nuts: Well, first you thank your lucky stars your cousin is a patient detective. Now you and the babes can give up on this case. This guy was not meant to be your devoted husband and the father of your kids, although he might have been making a last-ditch effort to get on board with a straight family lifestyle. Hopefully, you used condoms. They aren't a 100 per cent barrier protection, but they're better than nothing. If this man has been messing around with guys on the down low, there's a chance you could have picked something up from one of his partners or the partners' partners. Go go for a full sexually-transmitted infections (STI) test soon and try to put this behind you. If you need to get it off your chest, call him and ask him why he didn't tell you he was bisexual in the first place and tell him what you think of that.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There's a boy in church who's always undressing me with his eyes. When he talks to me he stares right at my top. The Sunday before last, I said, "My eyes are up here!" and he turned red and stumbled off. Last Sunday at the coffee-doughnut reception after church, he was at it again, staring at my body, neck to foot, but this time he didn't talk to me. I'm thinking of holding up a sign whenever he's looking at me that says LOSER but my big sister in Grade 12 says I might traumatize him for life, whatever that means. What about me? He's not a kid. He's 13, like me. -- Sick and Tired of the Big Loser, Winnipeg
Dear Sick and Tired: This boy finds you extremely attractive and he's young and inexperienced. Yes, he acts stupid about it, but boys at puberty are younger for their ages than girls. Next time it happens, walk over quietly and say firmly, "I can feel you staring at me and I don't like it. Please don't do it again." This should work. He will get your message loud and clear, but it won't publicly humiliate him. And don't tell all your girlfriends and laugh at him together. That's bullying. Just handle it privately, like your cool big sister would.
Please send questions or comments c/o email@example.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6