Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

One kiss with a girl doesn't make you bi

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I kissed a girl and I liked it. That was the surprise of my life. I thought I was completely hetero, but it seems I'm bisexual. Who knew? Could that be true for every woman, that if they kissed a girl they might like it and find out they're actually bi? -- Seen Both Sides Now, Winnipeg

Dear Both Sides: Not every hetero woman is a bisexual waiting to be awoken with a kiss. Sexuality is a big continuum from absolutely straight/hetero to absolutely lesbian and everything in between. Some people change sexual preferences up and down the continuum over a lifetime depending on a number of factors: 1. Their courage to experiment with something they feel they desire; 2. A reaction to good or bad experiences with either sex; and 3. Who's available. In jail, for instance, a woman might have nothing but other women to bond with while there, so she adapts, or may be so far down the hetero scale, she flies solo the whole time. The point is to stop labelling and judging yourself and others about sexual preference and accept fully the sexual person you are over your lifetime.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I are both 16 and work at a fast-food restaurant together. He got off early and I finished three hours later. I walked past my neighbour's house, coming home from the bus, and looked through some windows with the curtains open. I saw somebody who looked exactly like my boyfriend from the back standing there kissing my neighbour "friend" in the living room. Sure enough, there was his car behind the house.

I went nuts and banged hard on the front window and yelled, "You $%&@*s!" The next day it was all over work I was stalking him and yelling swears through the window. The thing is I don't want that girl to have him. He's mine, not hers! What can I do? -- Wanting Him Back, North Winnipeg

Dear Wanting Him Back: Here's the tough thing to learn about relationships: It's a free world relationship-wise in this country. You don't own this guy and he doesn't own you. The most commitment you can get is a big promise one day. People can still choose to be jerks, cheat on you, hurt your feelings and walk away, married "forever" or not.

So, even though you're in emotional pain, you still don't have the right to bang on peoples' windows and yell profanities, even if they are cheating on you. You should have phoned his cell and said, "I was walking home and saw you kissing so-and-so through the window, so I'm breaking up with you."

Your best defence at work? Tell everybody exactly what happened, admitting what you did, too. Once they know the whole story it will stop being interesting gossip. Don't give up your job -- let him quit if he's uncomfortable. As for trying to get him back so the neighbour girl can't have him, you know what they say about taking garbage back in from the curb.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 20, 2013 D5

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