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This article was published 21/12/2013 (865 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is a glamour queen. Even at 38, she has men chasing her. I'm 20 and I am not good-looking by a long stretch. My shrink thinks I couldn't compete with my glamorous mother so I stayed home and baked. I am very lonely because I am fat, have no one and see my mom enjoying her life with men. I am jealous of her. That should be my life, not hers.
The other day her latest man friend was still here at the breakfast table after she went to work and he mentioned he had a son my age who might like to meet me. I said, "Why? Because he thinks I must be good-looking like my mother?" and he said, "Quite the opposite. My son doesn't trust overly gorgeous woman and immediately thinks they're shallow." I said, "Do you think my mother is shallow?" He said, "Not at all, but my son is a bit insecure."
He set up the date and I went. I met this guy and he was even fatter than me. I was in shock and so was he. We didn't even finish our coffees before we both made excuses and took off. Is this what my mother's boyfriend thinks of me, that I only deserve an extremely obese person? -- Shocked, Downtown
Dear Shocked: Your mom's boyfriend doesn't see you in bad light or he wouldn't have set you up with the son he loves. Like most parents, that dad probably sees the beauty inside his child and has heard about your best qualities from your mother. He saw the inner beauty of both of you, but you, and possibly the son, only saw the outside appearances of each other on first meeting. It is quite common for overweight people not to want another overweight person as a mate, and for very skinny people, who are tired of being a bone rack and don't value thin-ness, to want a more cuddly person. But, it takes a long time for curvy people to figure that out and trust that it's true.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Christmas dinner is coming and my three children and I are supposed to be going to my new man's mother's house with all the relatives for the first year. His mom doesn't like me. In fact, she doesn't like me to the point I just found out today she's invited my husband's ex-wife along with their children. I had thought just his kids were going to be there for a while.
I am sick to my stomach. I think I need to stay home, but then that plays into mama's plan to get my boyfriend and his martyred ex back together. I asked him today to stay with me and my kids for Christmas dinner. He says he can't do that to his mother and his kids, whom he wants to see around the Christmas table. To me, that means he has decided to honour his mother's evil wishes and make me the sacrificial lamb. What do you think it means and what should I do? -- Anxious Mess, Selkirk
Dear Anxious: A strong-minded mature man who was devoted to you would say to his scheming mother, "That would be very uncomfortable for my new lady and for me, and you've planned all this. Having the kids dropped off for a while is one thing, but inviting my ex-wife for dinner at the same as my new lady is not going to happen. I will stay with my girlfriend and her kids and see my own kids at my house for a big Christmas lunch on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day."
But, he has failed to say that, hasn't he? Instead, he's chosen to let his mother get away with this and have you and the ex-wife endure the pain and awkwardness while he sits boldly with his two most recent mates and all the kids. Let him stew as you make your plans solid -- to stay home with your kids. See if he chooses to be with you. You can't blame him for wanting to be with his kids at Christmas dinner, but if he continues to go with his mother's plan involving his ex-wife, you know where you stand: third. Then it will be time to make a New Year's resolution with his name on it.
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