DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have met The One! I saw her walking into a party six weeks ago, and thought, "This is the woman I'm going to marry."
I don't know how to handle it and I need help. I want to claim her and scoop her up before some other guy starts chasing her down. She is beautiful, fun, intelligent, engaging, humorous and classy. She has a great career and loves it. She wants to have children. She admires who I am and what I do. I can sense her excitement about our new relationship. Now, how do I get her without suffocating her? I am feeling all messed up inside -- a totally new feeling. -- Love Out Of Control, South End
Dear Love: When you think you have found The One, pacing is everything. So "waltz" with your partner. Don't run ahead of her or chase after her. Stay close enough, look into her eyes often and watch for cues. Dance a little distance a apart -- enough to hold one another properly and enough to breathe. Sometimes you will lead by just a little too much and then adjust, and other times you will follow a little and have to adjust. When you feel total harmony with her pacing you will be ready to say you are in love. So, we only hope, will she. The chances are good since you will already have looked into her eyes many times and seen the softness.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am in love with my best friend's mother. She is only 36 and that's 17 years older. I'm not quite 20. She had my friend when she was a teenager and kept him. She is tiny, athletic and looks 25. I look older than my age. We wouldn't look strange walking down the street together at all. I know she likes me as I often have Sunday dinner with my buddy, her and a few of her friends and we play card games afterwards. She doesn't have a boyfriend right now. Please help. I'm so crazy about her. What should I do? -- Mature for My Age, Winnipeg
Dear Mature: How would you like your buddy to start trying to hustle your mother? You'd hate it, and abhor him for doing it. If you did it, he would think you were a creep and bar you from his house.
You may admire your friend's mom and desire her, and think you could fill an empty space in her life, but she would probably be horrified to hear you are feeling this way. She's off the list. We just can't have everybody we want. Lots of people develop crushes at work on bosses, crushes on teachers, professors, doctors, sympathetic counsellors and other peoples' mates. It happens all the time, but some people -- like the mother of your best friend -- are simply out of bounds.
Since it's driving you crazy, stop going over there. Invite your buddy outside the house to the gym, sports events or movies. Don't creep out your friend or his mother by going over to their house to try to flirt. Your best bet, if you're attracted to older women, is to try to find someone just a few years older who is much like this one in personality.
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