Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Pick up the phone and be kind when you break it off

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a young woman of 24 on the weekend who stayed two nights and left on Sunday night, and is apparently "in love" now. I took it as a fun weekend -- she went to bed with me the first night. And, now she's calling it "love at first sight." She's been texting me with "girlfriend" type chat every half hour ever since, and today she signed her name "Love you, babes." I'm not her babe, and I don't love her. How do I get rid of her? Do I have to tell her to her face? -- Suffocating, Osborne Village

Dear Suffocating: When you let a one-night stand turn into a whole weekend, it may be mistaken for something more. Thinking she's "in love' at this early date is ridiculous, but it's how she feels. You have to sit her down and tell her you thought you were having a fun time, not a falling-in-love time, and now you have to bow out. She will be hurt and possibly angry, but it has to be done. The telephone would be kinder as she can hear your tone, whereas texting is cold and can be misinterpreted. Plus, texts can be sent on to her friends to read.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wanted to respond to Mr. Abused and in Love, Tuxedo: You're not alone. Many men throughout Canada and in Manitoba report abuse to law enforcement and leave their partners. Your courage to seek help is admirable and will help other men who are silenced, because they have been told to "suck it up" or "you're the man, buck up and be a man, men don't cry". You're not alone and we are here to help at the Men's Resource Centre of Manitoba. We provide a shelter for men (and their children) who need to flee domestic violence in their home. Everyone deserves to live a life free of abuse no matter your gender, race, religion or socio-economic status. The MRC also offers free counselling services that can be accessed on Mondays from 1 p.m. - 9 p.m. at 200-321 McDermot Avenue. A crucial step for an abused person is accessing safety. Staff at the MRC are available to walk men through safety planning and look at other ways of maintaining a safe environment. -- MRC Staff, The Exchange District

Dear MRC: Thank you for writing to share this information with the abused husband. (The wife was starting to hit him with hard objects such as a telephone receiver to the head.) Many people do not know men also have a place to go --- and a place where they can take their children to be safe. It's best, if men in risky situations call ahead for counselling and find out what to do, before there's another crisis. With a plan of action, a person can move quickly and have a suitcase packed for the kids.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 15, 2012 C4

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