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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Play it straight with unwanted admirer
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There is this guy I know with a deep crush on me. He's a great guy (don't get me wrong) but I'm just not interested in him at all. He is always so gushy and he reminds me of my uncle, which makes me very uncomfortable. I don't know what to do or say to express my "un-attraction." I really don't want to hurt this guy's feelings. He's asked me on numerous occasions if we could "go for dinner" or "go see a movie" and I'm always giving him some lame excuse, in hopes he'll catch on. I'm getting really tired of tiptoeing around this great guy, but I'm afraid he won't want to ever speak to me again if I tell him how I really feel. Please help. -- Looks Like My Uncle, Winnipeg
Dear Looks Like: Tell him the truth nicely but firmly: "I'm sorry. You remind me of my uncle. That really gets in the way of feeling anything other than friendship." If he persists, then he is a being a pest. He may be aware of it already, as you already give him awkward excuses for not going out with him. If he gets pushy, and he might, say you won't discuss it anymore and veer off to the bathroom. Your mistake may be in feeling sorry for someone who thinks he can wear you down. If you think he's truly naive and vulnerable, ask one of his close friends, male or female, to explain things to him.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why do men scratch so much more than women do? They all do it -- bellies, arms, behinds, and it's not even about six-legged pests. -- Watching Them Scratch, Grand Beach
Dear Watching: Manitobans tend to have dry skin and the weather doesn't help -- lots of sun and wind in the summer, and dry heating systems for the winter. It keeps a guy scratching all year. Unfortunately, male culture in this part of the world does not emphasize moisturing the skin. Have you ever heard a guy saying he's going to the store to pick up some moisturizer? Doesn't happen! But you can help. Promote it to your man and any children you might have, as part of healthy living in this climate.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a single mom and have four children ranging between 13 and 18 -- great kids. I have a full-time job, a house to live in, and a vehicle that's paid off. My children don't really need me at home so much anymore, as they can take care of themselves to a point. I go on business trips. I date to find "my other half" -- to spend time doing activities, or just do nothing and be bored together. I find myself confused by this one guy who said I was too independent for him. I am so ready to spend time with just one man. Are there any more guys that like to share tender moments, have fun and just relax -- and not just have a booty call? -- Looking For Forever, Manitoba.
Dear Looking: If a man finds a way to tell you that you're intimdiating, your best answer is: "Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment, although I don't think it was meant as one. Clearly, we weren't meant to be lovers, but it's good to know that up front, right?" By the way, are you looking in places where smart, independent men can be found, such as business clubs, conventions, boards, certain charities, or sports like tennis and golf here in Manitoba? Or, are you looking in the bars, when you travel for business? By the way, there are sweet, tender guys who are strong, independent winners, just as you are.
Please email problems to lovecoach@hotmail.com or write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. R2X 3B6
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 16, 2012 D3
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