Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Raise your baby without cheater

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had a baby six months ago and didn't feel like having sex until four weeks ago. My husband never complained. It turns out, he already had a young sex buddy, in place in the ninth month of my pregnancy when sex was almost non-existent. She phoned me three days ago while he was at work. He's never quit seeing her and, according to her, they're "in love." I threw his clothes out on the lawn while the neighbours watched, and called him at work to get them. He's sleeping at his mother's house now, phoning and begging me to let him come back home. He claims she was nothing but a sexual outlet while I was "out of commission" (like a machine!) Don't preach at me now! Just tell me what you would do yourself. -- Broken-Hearted New Mama, North End.

Dear Broken: Unless there was no money for food and shelter for my baby (the most important consideration as a new mom) I'd find a way now to raise the baby without that liar. He was enjoying having two women in love with him and having sex with him -- no taboo against cheating. He just hates getting caught. You can't blame the other woman for blowing the whistle. (Not that you owe her a thank-you note.) She knew she was helping betray you. Clearly she thought this "love" they shared was going to cut you out of the triangle, but it didn't. Your relationship with the baby's father may be ruined, but you could try emergency counselling if you want to give it one last go. By the way, there's usually no medical reason to stop having sex for five months after having a baby, though it might not be very frequent at first.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm running back and forth to the lake with the kids. My wife says she won't go anymore because of my mom. She and my mother had a big blow up over who controlled the kids' behaviour under the cottage roof. My mother has been queen of her cottage for 40 years. My wife says my mom cannot assume power over our kids just because she owns the cabin. I have no trouble with my mother when I am at lake with the little boys. What's going on? -- Wanting Peace, Winnipeg

Dear Peace: You have chosen to stand by the wrong woman. Right now you're jeopardizing your own family by running up to grandma with the kids, leaving your wife at home alone fuming. Look, it's a power struggle with two matriarchs under one roof, and one set of children to boss. When you take the kids to the beach now, grandma is the sole boss -- and you are a babysitter to her. That's why you have no trouble. If you want to restore sanity to this dangerous situation for your marriage, rent a little cabin at the same beach for August so each woman can have her own domain, and actually start respecting each other again. Your wife will not let your mother call the shots under her roof, and that's how it should be. Cottages are much easier to rent in August, so secretly go out and get one, and restore your marriage. Don't advise your mother ahead of time and give her no time to kick up a fuss. Just do it.

Please email problems for Miss Lonelyhearts to lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters to 1355 Mountain Ave., R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 1, 2012 D4

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