Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a family doctor and have examined thousands and thousands of men and women. This crap (from the woman who call herself the Observationist) about small hands and small "capacity for sex and love" is so much BS. There is no correlation between big hands and a big penis, no more than between thick ankles and a big vagina. Thank you for straightening her out. -- The Doc, Winnipeg
Dear Doc: Unless a woman has done an awful lot of dating, she is never going to see the naked bodies and bodily appendages of thousands and thousands of men. Thank you for clearing up this old myth.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The lady who judged men by their hands reminds me of my friend who judges men's capacity as lovers only by their height. She bases this on an experience of a maximum of 10 men, only one of whom was under five-foot-eight. And because he was "no good," she will only consider dating tall men. -- Shaking My Head, Winnipeg
Dear Shaking: This idea of hers is probably related to another myth -- the short-man complex -- which is accepted as truth by a disconcertingly high proportion of men and women in height-obsessed North American culture. If a shorter man is rude or pushy or appears to be trying too hard, people nod their fuzzy heads and say, "Must be short-man complex."
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Thank you, thank you, thank you for calling out the Observationist for what has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever read. It's nice to see that you don't let pseudo-scientific fluff like that go by without being called out, so bravo to you. I can't believe someone would actually have the audacity to hold an opinion like that, but then on top of that, they actually promote these views like it's something to be proud of. What an idiot. Good to see some people actually value the content of people's character over trivial (baloney) like the size and type of someone's hands. Well done. -- Bravo, Winnipeg
Dear Bravo: My pleasure. This old myth has been kicking around for years. I first heard it when I was in university and many people who were there to get a higher education accepted it as truth, along with the equally dumb saying, "cold hands, warm heart." Yale researchers did several experiments disproving that myth, and it turned out people made more warm-hearted decisions about the people in front of them when their hands were warmed by holding cups of coffee (though not drinking them). There's nothing like science.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Since when is a large penis size the sign of a good lover, anyway? Large or small, I've had 'em all by age 29, and not found a really great lover yet. -- Just Sayin', St. Vital
Dear Just Sayin': Look up at the top of a man's body for a good brain, a fantastic sense of humour and a warm smile that reaches the eyes. If that connection engenders enough heat, you may find you become great lovers together.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Because I require a man with a small- to medium-sized penis, I have wasted a lot of time looking for a man with small hands to lead me to the love wand of my dreams: a small one that doesn't hurt. To my consternation, there seems to be no correlation between the size of a man's hands and his penis. It was just dumb luck I found a great guy with big hands and a small penis. -- Grateful to Fate, Brandon
Dear Grateful: Where love is concerned, fate still plays a big role in the matchmaking of mortals. We still know so little about love we can't predict who will be attracted to whom with any regularity. But what we do know is that a strong romantic love usually improves sexual compatibility.
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