DEAR READERS: A lot of you have written in about yummy mummies (divorced moms) who want men to pay for all their dates. Here is a sampling of your letters:
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to "Been on Those Kinds of Dates." As a divorced and remarried dad, I can say I've been down this path of dating post-divorce and was successful in finding someone. It was not easy. I dated my fair share of divorced women with kids. Many didn't get past the first date. Once they found out I was a divorced parent who actually wanted to be part of my child's life and had little money left over to spend on them, they found excuses to be gone. Still, the best thing they can do is be honest about who they are, what they are looking for and hopefully they find someone looking for the same. I was. Right from the start I explained my situation and the fact that I didn't have a ton of money to shower her with gifts or to whisk her away on fancy vacations. Communication is the key! -- Happy Again, Winnipeg
Dear Happy: Congratulations! How much do you think it helped that this woman didn't have a previous marriage and children herself?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The whole feminist movement was originally (conceived) so that women would have the option to work. Women simply wanted equal rights, not to be treated as an equal, but to be given the same respect and right to vote, right to own property. Some women still want the option to stay at home with their children.... If I go out on a date with a man and he doesn't pay, it indicates to me that he is not interested, not serious about finding a partner, doesn't want to have children or could possibly be a cheapskate. I have found a man who enjoys the traditional roles, and treats me with respect and value and it works. You just need to find someone who shares your values. Perhaps if you want to find woman who likes going Dutch, find a career-oriented one who doesn't want children. -- Wants a Family, Winnipeg
Dear Wants a Family: If it works for you and a man who also wants a traditional domestic lifestyle, then good for both of you. You are correct in telling the men you date clearly what you want and scaring away the ones who don't want that scene. The ones who do will find your attitudes attractive and enjoy their traditional role with you.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: To answer your question of "what do men want?" I believe we also want strong, healthy, committed relationships the second time around as well (I know I do). But what we want, versus the way it must be, are different. Once you commit fully again -- eventually living together -- you expose yourself to the same potential financial and emotional consequences. With 66 per cent of women initiating divorce, you're better to gamble your money and heart in Vegas (the odds are better). The sex-with-no-strings and each person paying half -- I understand that sounds cold. But the alternative -- commitment -- has too many negative consequences attached to it. Unfortunately it is a byproduct of the current relationship environment. -- Been On Those Dates Too, Winnipeg
Dear Been On Them: Frankly, you sound like a guy who's overly worried about the bottom line at the bank and very interested in an excuse to have casual relationships for the rest of his life. You don't want to negotiate a compromise solution that includes commitment, do you?
Questions or comments? Please email email@example.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6