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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Real talking more important than eye contact
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband won't look at me when I talk. He says his mother always told him that if she looked in his eyes, she could tell the instant he started lying. She forced him to look deeply into her "squinty pig eyes," according to him. But now I'm thinking maybe she knew something I don't. Does this mean he's lying to me all the time? When I met him, he used to look up shyly through his long eyelashes and it was one of the things I found so hot about him. Now he never looks at me when he talks, even if he's answering a question about something neutral. We don't fight, ever: we get along very well, for the most part, and have a great sex life -- in the dark. There's no reason why he should be afraid of my trying to invade his privacy. I watch for the rare times he will look into my eyes and they are less and less. Is he having an affair or something? -- Suspicious Mind, Downtown
Dear Suspicious: Having an affair? That's quite a leap. Being suspected of trying to lie all his young life has got to cause long-term problems. But it's unlikely he's having an affair when you don't fight and get along so well. He may have simply reverted to the old habit of escaping the searching gazes now that he's relaxed and doesn't have to be on his best eyeball-to-eyeball behaviour. You are not mom. If you want to alleviate some anxiety for him and you need to have an intimate talk, sit between his legs on the bed with his arms relaxed around you. Then both of you lean back, with your head lightly against his shoulder. The important things is to have the talks in an uninhibited fashion, not that he be staring right into your eyes. Some of the best liars look right into your eyes and tell great big fibs. Every night, talk to him in the semi-darkness and keep up with each other's lives. With the pressure off, he may start trying to look at you again -- shyly. You can tell him casually that turns you on.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am so sad because my house painter has no more rooms to paint in my house. We had become very intimate friends, but the house job is done. He's married and so am I, but I am home for months on disability so we had lots of time to talk. He is a very deep man -- intelligent, philosophical. My husband? Not so deep. His idea of a good book is baseball history. I didn't have sex with this man although he hinted broadly. He is coming back one more time to finish up some spots he missed and I almost think I should take him up on his offer. They say the things you regret the most in life are the things you didn't do. I know if I don't have him in my arms at least once I will regret it for the rest of my life! -- Should I or Shouldn't I? St. Vital
Dear Should? Your mind is already made up, girlfriend. You and I both know he isn't going to have time to gather up his drop cloths before you're dropping him on the nearest flat surface. So the question remains -- how will you feel after you've taken this big opportunity and had a tryst with his guy who turned you on mentally as well as physically. You know what often comes next? Intense emotion for a guy who is married, and guilt over what you did to betray your husband. If this guy is never going to come back, will you feel worse pining for him to return than you would if you just skipped it and daydreamed about it?
lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 21, 2012 D3
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Tell husband you're not talking to her... maybe tell him why
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