Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Relationship counsellor might help

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I started exploring online dating more than a year ago and was quickly matched with a guy who seems great -- common interests, similar values. I find him (online, anyway) very attractive. The problem? I have yet to meet him. Over the past several months, we've emailed and talked on the phone, on and off, and really hit it off. But after not dating in 15 years (I'm 40), I'm petrified of being rejected. After the end of a bad relationship, moving around a lot for work and a bout with depression, I just never returned to the dating scene -- at all. Not a date or a kiss. I also gained about 60 pounds. (I'm working on it.) How do I force myself back into the real world, instead of living in fantasyland? -- Desperate to Make Fantasy Reality, Winnipeg

Dear Desperate: Split the first part of your overwhelming problem off from the rest. Just focus on losing 20 pounds of the unhealthy weight, with no particular reason. See how you feel -- could be you'll want to meet him after that, or not. Don't make it a pressure. Tell this guy honestly, right now, you're on a diet to get off some extra pounds. He may confess he's also heavier than he said on his profile and doesn't care if you're overweight. Seeing a relationship counsellor at the same time as you're dating someone could help a lot.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm in love with my music teacher, and I don't know what to do. It turns me on to see him play guitar and I feel things l've never felt before. What should I do about it? -- Tingling, Winnipeg

Dear Tingling: Enjoy the tingles and do absolutely nothing. A crush on a teacher is common, but don't magnify the problem by calling it "love" to yourself, as you don't know him/her personally. Use that crush energy to inspire you to practice, and impress your teacher that way -- as a great student. Teachers can get in big trouble if they get involved with students romantically, so don't try to cross any boundaries.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 17, 2012 D6

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