DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: In November my girlfriend invited me on a one-week holiday with her best two friends and their boyfriends. She didn't tell me they were into group sex. The first happy hour of the trip we had a lot of drinks and she suggested we have a private party in our cabana. I went to buy some bottles of rum and stuff, and when I got back, the beds were pushed together and there was a picnic of food in the middle. I started to get the idea from some comments, and by the end of the night, we all got naked in the ocean together and all ended up in the same bed. The maid looked shocked in the morning. She seemed to know. I stopped our maid service, thinking that would help. She told her boss who told the big boss and we got a visit from management. "No more sex parties or you're out!" he said.
Over the week we managed to change partners and still had a great time. Now we are home and the swinging has come to a screeching halt. I asked, "What happened to the parties?" and my girlfriend said, "Oh, that's just fantasy stuff for when we're away from real life." What? I want more! She doesn't seem to care what I want and takes her time returning my texts. I have no idea what step to take next. -- High and Dry, River Heights
Dear High and Dry: As a new, attractive guy to whom this woman felt she owed no loyalty, you were chosen as a sex partner for a romp by the ocean. You were definitely used for a week and now it's over. She may have more feelings for you than this, but it's not likely, as she's pulling back since arriving home. You have two ways to go on this. You can enjoy the memory and chalk it up to experience or you can tell her off for inviting you on this sex holiday without asking you if you wanted to do that. Maybe you'll want to do both.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend can't see what's in front of her (which is probably why she's with me). I know she needs to wear her glasses. She can't read the menu without them so she always orders the same thing or asks if they have something new. Last night we had a fight because she asked me to drive, even though my bum leg was aching. She can't drive without her glasses. I said, "Put your $@#& glasses on," and she said, "No, we're going out, and I'm all dressed up." That was stupid. So, I said: "Yeah. I'll drive even if it hurts my leg, but I'm driving you home and picking up someone else up for dinner."
She got out and said, "So long, you big loser. Have a nice life." She can't leave me. I know she loves me. Besides, she likes my money. I'm not joking about that. Is she really gone? I can't get her to answer the phone and I've called a million times. OK, 20 times. -- Worried, West End
Dear Worried: Bad news -- it sounds like you're finished. You might have gotten her back before the last line you threw at her about picking up someone else to go to this fancy dress dinner. It sounds like you have women ready to jump into their stockings and go. You could have solved the glasses problem with your big money by quietly taking her out one day to buy contact lenses, but you didn't. You blew up and insulted her. Wait a few weeks without bugging her on the phone. Make one last call and say, "Call me if you miss me. I'm sorry and I'd like to see you again. You know my number." Then stop acting like a stalker and go away, far away, like on a sunny holiday out of town with a pal. She can call you if she wants and leave a message and you can call her back. There's no point suffering when you're waiting for a call that might never come.
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