DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a man and fell for him big-time over the spring and summer. Recently, with no consultation, he gave me an engagement ring that had a huge solitaire diamond in it. We got engaged and now, a few months later, I find out the ring used to belong to the first woman he tried to marry eight years ago. She gave it back to him when she backed out. Why would I want a second-hand ring from his old fiancée's finger? Why didn't be tell me the truth? I am so disgusted I can't tell you. I think it's an abomination to try to pawn off a ring previously given to another woman. Should I dump him over this? -- Shocked Fiancée, West End
Dear Shocked: Give it back and look elsewhere. The sneakiness and dishonesty of that move should bother you more than anything, closely followed by his stinginess and the lack of intelligence. Everyone within his social and family circles would have recognized that big rock at some point, yet he thought he could slip it by you. What kind of husband would this guy make? Some men are not sentimental or superstitious about engagement and wedding rings at all and any ring will do. This guy may have thought he had a perfectly serviceable diamond in his drawer to use for this new marriage and you would not know the difference. You may be Juliet, but this is not your Romeo.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Not to sound conceited, but I'm an attractive 26-year-old single female and so confused about guys! Men are typically attracted to the bad-girl image, meaning hot girls with hot bods and deviant behaviours, which is all good for when they are seeking pleasure, but when it comes down to the wife issue --then they want a good girl. Every guy I met has had an interest in me, but later, when things get serious, they like to "wife" me up.
What is the deal? If they want a good girl, why don't they go for it in the first place instead of looking for a bad girl and trying to change her? I can be a good girl and have the image and reputation, but that can be boring at times. I just want to live it up and have fun sometimes. It's hard to have both worlds these days. I don't know if I should pretend to be a good girl and forget my bad girl behaviour for the sake of being in a healthy relationship, or is there a guy out there who doesn't mind having the best of both worlds of a good-and-bad girl? -- Hoping, Winnipeg
Dear Hoping: Your problem is advertising the "bad girl" side of yourself too strongly. Find the middle road and enjoy that ride. Guys don't want to invest too much emotionally if a woman is always barely dressed at the bar and getting bombed and going off for a threesome. But who wouldn't want a great all-round partner who treats you really well and is wild behind closed doors? That could keep a relationship fun and enjoyable in the long term. Too often it's the sex and fun that dies out when you marry a total Goody Two Shoes.
You're keeping the "good" side hidden for some reason, so guys have to check. Why does it annoy you if a basically good guy, who starts to like the wild you, checks to see if there is a good-girl side too? Why not display a balance of both from the start? That's who you really are. Advertising your wild side too much of the time will attract the bad-to-the-bone guys, who are often self-centred, addicted and abusive. Who needs them?
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org
or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press,
1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6