DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night I had a first date who invited me to his place for a late barbecue, then pulled out a joint and smoked it for dessert. He said he always does that after a tense workday. I sat there feeling out of place. I hate marijuana. Then he put minor moves on me, but I could tell he was only doing it because he thought it was expected. Then he fell asleep! He was dozing beside me on the sofa, snoring. He woke up 15 minutes later with a start and saw me there, apologized and said he'd had a long day. I told him I only stayed so it wouldn't look rude that I left without saying goodbye and that I was going. He said, "But you don't have a car; let me drive you." I said, "Not in your condition, thank you." I walked home a long way at night because the buses didn't come. He has phoned six or seven times every day since, begging for a second chance. Should I give it to him? I am tempted. -- Polite Person, Winnipeg
Dear Polite: No second dates for this guy. Being polite when it is not warranted is foolish and can be dangerous. This guy was rude in all ways -- pulling out drugs, falling asleep, not calling you a cab or offering to pay for it. You had to walk home at night; that is dangerous. So speak up. Tell him, "You're rude and I don't want any more contact with you." If he continues to phone and bother you six times a day, he has other problems and needs to be blocked.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 38 and hungry for a hot, sexy exclusive love relationship, but can't find anybody that turns me on. The online women I meet have major problems and a couple of bratty kids in their lives, and the never-married career women seem to be so uptight, independent and busy they don't need a man -- they need a vibrator. Where do you find great women, like you did in your 20s, once you're in your 30s like me? They used to be easy to find. Where do I look now? I am not looking for marriage, but I want a real girlfriend with a warm heart and a warm body who's lots of fun. -- Lonely for Love, Tuxedo
Dear Lonely for Love: You're at the age where women expect a guy to be fully capable of anything, even handling a family with kids -- your own babies, belatedly -- or their children from another liaison. You want a 20s situation when you're pushing 40? You could join the ranks of middle-age-crisis guys and chase young things at the bar, but you're likely to get a string of one-night stands. How about seeing a counsellor to talk about why you resist growing up? There are lots of lovely, available women your age these days, but most of them are moms by their late 30s, or they will have missed that boat completely.