Say goodbye to boss, start your own biz

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm going crazy trying to deal with my creepy boss -- the owner of this small but lucrative company. He pays me twice what any other executive assistant would get paid, but he expects me to do ALL his work. "That's why I pay you the big bucks!" is what he says to me when he shuts his door and goes inside to play games on his computer, talk to his girlfriend (the jerk is married) and watch porn. I literally run his workplace for him, and make his money (considerable -- I even do the sales) while he does nothing. I need the money, but I don't need the aggravation. If I had the money I could set up a rival business and beat his butt into the ground, but I don't have it. What should I do? -- Highly Paid Sucker, Winnipeg

Dear Sucker: You are being loyal to what -- the money? You can get that money and more as a full-fledged manager or salesperson at a rival company. As an addendum to your resumé, enumerate skills and responsibilities you have had for this operation. Here's a risky and more exciting idea -- if you're really good at what you do, and it seems you are, this could be the time you borrow money and go out on your own with a start-up business. Get a loan from a bank, relatives, outside investors or a combination of these and call on female business owners you know for advice. If you do well, your years as a "sucker" are turned into the foundation of a real money-maker for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got out of a car where my boyfriend and I had a fight so bad somebody knocked on the car window to see if I was alright. My boyfriend was yelling his lungs out at me and pounding his fist on the wheel. Why? Because I caught him cheating on me for the second time and I was telling where to shove it. When the man came to the car door, I got out and ran. Now my ex is phoning every few minutes and texting and emailing, trying to get me back. He's threatening and he has been known to be violent, though not with me. Should I call the cops? -- Worried, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: Go to a police station and lay charges. It's against the law to utter threats and it's time this guy, whose anger is way out of control, to be brought up short. It's also against the law to harass and stalk someone. If he's allowed to get away with this, his frightening behaviour will accelerate. Once he knows there's a spotlight shining on him -- perhaps for the first time in his life -- he will have to take responsibility and control his temper, or cool his jets in jail. Though he will not think so, you'll be doing him a favour. Go straight to the police if you fear a warning that you will do it, will only enrage him and endanger you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm an older lady in my 70s and I have a gentleman friend who is coming around for dinners, and to take me out to musical events, which we both love. This weekend he said he'd like to stay over and sleep with me -- just sleep. So we did and it was nice. However, it wasn't very exciting! I had a wonderful physical relationship with my husband who died less than a year ago. Am I wrong to expect sex of a new man, at my age? -- Still Passionate, West End

Dear Passionate: Why not look for a man who wants what you want and can still have sex? Some men are virile right into their 90's. Do you know if this man thought he was being a gentleman, or if there's no longer any possibility of sex? Before you start a habit of sleepovers with him -- which could be frustrating -- it's time for a gentle but frank discussion.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 4, 2012 D6