DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had a very unfortunate gastrointestinal accident at a recent Bomber game and ended up going home early from the game because I had to change my jeans. My husband stayed with our friends and I drove home with the truck. The next time we saw this football buddy, that friend made a crude joke to me about what happened and blamed it on the Bombers performance. I went 10 shades of red.
Ho, boy! I didn't think my husband would betray my confidence and tell his friends. I was so mad, I simmered for the next few hours, drinking along the way. Then I decided to tell a story about my husband throwing up on my mom's Thanksgiving dinner at the table when I took him home to meet the family. Everybody laughed but him.
On the way home, he said, "Why did you tell that story? I threw up because I was so nervous. That was really low," and I said, "I told that story to get even for what you did to me." He said, "I guess that makes us even then," and he has barely talked to me since. What now? -- Dumb Newlywed, Steinbach
Dear Newlyweds: This was one mean, embarrassing story exchanged for another -- a fairly common newlywed tactic and one you learn quickly not to repeat. Ask your husband: "Can we call a truce? We could both apologize for what we did and make a pact not to do it again." Make sure to both say, "I'm sorry for embarrassing you." Then you can kiss and make up. Newlyweds do that part well.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I took a girl to a movie that turned out to be really violent. She asked to go home in the middle of the movie, so we got up and left. At her door, she handed me 15 bucks and said, "Sorry about the movie." I was stunned by that and just let it lie there in my hand. She closed the door on me, and I still had it. So I went and bought a pizza and thought about things. On the Monday, she told friends at school I took the money back for the movie. That makes me look like a jerk because she didn't tell them she stuck it right in my hand. What should I do? -- Look Like a Jerk, Winnipeg
Dear Look Like a Jerk: Take $15, put it in an envelope and hand it to her. The note inside should read something like: "I was so shocked when you handed this to me, I wasn't thinking. Here is your money back. Sorry about the misunderstanding." She will likely feel bad about the whole thing and you may end up friends again. That's how some early dates go -- awkwardly -- but things can often be set straight if you do the right thing. Next time you ask a girl to a movie, ask which one she wants to see, then it isn't your fault if it turns out to be a lousy one.
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