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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Sounds like neither one is Mr. Right

By: Miss Lonelyhearts

Posted: 02/22/2012 3:18 AM | Comments: 0 (including replies) | Last Modified: 02/22/2012 8:38 AM | Updates

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My male friend and I were in a casual relationship. Since I'm much older and his mother was very upset about that, we decided to break it off if we found anyone more suitable, and then possibly remain friends. Well, guess what? I found someone I'd known for years, and he's very interested in me! Although I'm also older than him, it's only by a few years. I agreed to go out with him and told Mr. Casual Relationship I was breaking it off to see the new man. He never really treated me very well and used me a lot, but now he doesn't want to let me go and he's become every woman's dream man, in every way imaginable. He even lost 25 pounds without trying because he was so broken-hearted! I do know that if I fully commit myself to him, he will keep his word. I'm impressed, but meantime the new man is a really good catch in every way possible. Help! -- Torn Between Two, Winnipeg

Dear Torn: Neither man is 100-per-cent compelling. The answer is probably behind Door No. 3. Mr. Casual Relationship can't be trusted because he treated you poorly and used you when he could get away with it. Plus, you don't want to become his old lady (literally) in another 10 years. As soon as you're safely back in the fold, he will slowly relax and go back to being himself. That's human nature. You don't talk about being in love with the man who's more your age, but you haven't given him a chance yet. It's time. If he isn't for you, and you want a mate, look for another real possibility, not another casual relationship, which takes up your time and energy and signals to good men you're not available.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Three years ago my first love and I broke up. She was too young for serious commitment. I scared her off. She was my first real love. Every year my first love and I coincidently run into each other at the supermarket, park, or mall. Call it fate. We'd find each other contacting one another through texts to catch up. The last three years we'll start talking -- and then find ourselves after a few weeks, fighting -- because we cant stand to be just friends! The issue is I'm getting married to another woman in a few months, and I'm not sure it's the best option for me. Both my first love and I have spoken about how wonderful things would be back together as she's ready to settle down now. We both can't let go of the feelings we have for one another. It's an everyday heartache that I'm not with her. I know she feels the same way! Lets not forget my fiancée though. I do love her, because she's such a wonderful person but there's something missing. My first love was the total package. -- Confused Fiancé, Winnipeg

Dear Confused Fiancé: You have answered your own question -- you want your first love, and now you owe it to you fiancée to break it off immediately. Apologize profusely for hurting her so badly, but realize it's better than marrying her out of social pressure and then breaking it off. Pay for the deposits, apologize to everyone -- especially her parents and family -- and then stay out of her way so the poor lady can heal. You will miss her, too, BUT don't start calling after you start seeing your first girlfriend and your preference as a wife. Leave your fiancée alone to heal up.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 22, 2012 C8

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Updated on Wednesday, February 22, 2012 at 8:38 AM CST: Checked story.

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