DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 29 and my boyfriend is eight years older than I am. He wants me to play an "adult form of spin the bottle" with some couples he knows. I asked him if it went farther than kissing and he winked and said, "maybe a little." I feel black butterflies in my stomach because I don't know what this means. Also, I have a secret crush on one of his friends who will be there with his tough-looking girlfriend. So, part of me wants to go and part of me doesn't. What do you think? -- Spin the Bottle? West Kildonan
Dear Spin: You can bet your boyfriend hasn't invited you to a "kissing" party. He's just trying to make it sound harmless by using an expression from grade school. Gambling games for kissing and petting privileges often goes on in junior high school. Much more can go on sexually in games of chance in high school. At your adult age, group-sex parties often get started this way, though no longer gambling with spinning bottles.
By the way, what kind of boyfriend wants to watch you "kissing" his buddies? And what kind of woman is willing to see her partner go off to another room to do whatever? Your relationship will not do well with this kind of shakeup. You might even get scratches and a black eye if you help yourself to the guy with the tough-looking girlfriend. Be smart about this and tell your uncaring boyfriend to kiss off.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend's brother has been complaining of a cold sore for quite some time. I had warned my boyfriend not to share cigarettes or cups with him because I'm worried if he accidentally gets the herpes on his mouth he can transfer it to me genitally through oral sex. The stakes are quite high, considering this is a virus for life.
Today, my worst nightmare came true after seeing him share a drink with his brother. I freaked out and started shaking with anger. I went on the Internet and tried to find out if herpes can be spread through sharing a drink and found some websites say it can be shared through saliva and others say it can only be transferred through skin-to-skin contact. Oral sex is an amazing part of our sexual experiences and it is now no longer an option. Nothing else can excite me and prepare me so well for the experiences we had. I feel like I am being robbed of most of my sexual pleasure. I know the possibility of him catching it through a drink is minimal but the risk is huge. I don't know what to do. -- Shaken, Angry and Hurt
Dear Shaken: Whoa! You're being a tad harsh. Your boyfriend hasn't had an outbreak of herpes himself. His brother had it. You can chide your guy for taking chances but why dump him when he hasn't had a cold sore? Just like you don't catch the flu or a cold from every person who coughs or sneezes in your vicinity, you don't catch herpes from everyone who shared a drinking glass with a person who had a cold sore. Watch and see what happens. First outbreaks of cold sores are noticeable. They're more severe and easy to see than those that come up years later. Are you looking for an excuse to break up with this fellow? If so, break up with him for his carelessness, not because you think he's got herpes. You have no evidence of that.
Please send your questions or comments c/o email@example.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6