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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Stand up for your grandchild since your son won't
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We just found out we're grandparents to a two-year-old little girl. A note along with a picture of the dear little thing was left in our mailbox. My husband got to the mail first. He contacted the mother and met her at the park to see our first grandchild. He had first called our 35-year-old son, and told him this girl left a note to us, hoping this child will know her grandparents. Our son (I'll call him Jerk) said he wanted nothing to do with the mother and child, and for us to stay away from her. My husband found out from her she'd told Jerk she was pregnant. He wanted no part of it and told her some horrific lies as to why he couldn't have any part in this child's life. Disgusting! He's been married for a year and a half now, so he would have cheated on his wife to be with her.This girl is not from this country, and her family are very religious people.They have not been supportive. Jerk and his wife have decided not to support this little girl financially and hope the two of them will disappear. Since meeting his grand-daughter my husband is asking if I want to meet her. He has fallen in love with the little thing and wants a relationship with her. I feel so torn apart. I love my daughter in-law like my own and if I see the child, my relationship with her will change and it will be over with my son. My husband feels there is nothing lower on this earth than a man that can eat and sleep in a warm bed and not worry where his child is sleeping or eating. I'm so upset with my son. He doesn't have the heart of a father. I'm ashamed to think he is my son. -- Bad Mom, Wpg.
Dear Bad Mom: Don't be a "jerk" grandmother, or it will be clear where your son got his morals of convenience. Stand up for the child, do what's right, and be a loving grandmother to her. Your son used her mother while he was romancing his wife, and is basically throwing his child away. Groucho Marx is famous for saying, "If you don't like my principles, I have others." That's what you're thinking of doing. You know what is right. Frankly, it's odd you would kowtow to an irresponsible 35-year-old son you call The Jerk, and pretend you don't know about your grandchild because you don't want to make waves. You're actually thinking of looking the other way? Thank Goodness your husband has his head on straight. Your son's behaviour is reprehensible and his failure to pay support is illegal. Don't join him in failing this child.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts; Why do I wake up crying in the night, for no clear reason? It happens a lot. I am not deeply depressed but I am sad a lot of the time. I get flashes of stuff coming back I don't totally recognzie -- Crying in My Sleep, North Kildonan
Dear Crying; See a physician and describe this sleep behaviour as clearly as you can. Ask for a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist and see about medication to stop you night disturbances and crying until you can get help for the underlying psychological causes. You may have a bad memory repressed that's struggling to get out, and need help in place to deal with it when it arrives in total.
Lovecoach@hotmail.com.
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 28, 2012 D5
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