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Stay off the 'swing' at your child's school

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I are swingers. We have been with a few couples and a couple of single guys. We met this one local woman on an Internet group and we had exchanged some pictures, but because of my position in the community I never sent my wife's or my face picture. This lovely lady did, however, send hers. We were both interested, as it would be our first experience with a FFM hookup. We were going to meet last Friday, but our plans fell through. Imagine my surprise when we went to a meet the teacher this week and it turns out she is a teacher in my son's school. I obviously never asked her outright if it was her, and the picture she sent to us seemed to be from a couple of years ago, so its not a 100 per cent match. But based on a few details she has sent in our email exchanges, it is most definitely her. How do I break the news to her that we are no longer interested in hooking up? OK, lets be realistic, we are still interested, but obviously do not think its a good idea as it could be perceived as being completely inappropriate. So how do we deal with this? If we tell her outright what the reason is without letting her know who we are, that could cause her some embarrassment knowing at least one parent knows her in that way from that site. We don't want to hurt her feelings and just walk away from the experience with no explanation. -- Wrong Swing, Winnipeg

Dear Wrong Swing: The less said to this teacher, the better. Since she didn't recognize you at "Meet the Teacher" (you only sent her a body shot), you never need to say anything about this. Just back off this threesome for any reason but the truth -- you don't need that secret between you when your child's education is the important thing. If you let her know you recognized her from her swinging ad and photo, it's a way of flirting. Even the line "let's be realistic, we are still interested, if not for our child" would be a sideways flirt. Just tell her the two of you think it's best not to get together at this time, period. You have only sent a body photo, so keep your shirt on at the school, and all should go well.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I really hurt my leg in a particularly gymnastic sexual position gone wrong where we fell, which my wife got out of a one of those books with more than 100 positions. Now when she sees me limping around in my boot, she laughs, or if we're out with friends the other night, she said to her buddies: "Ask him how it happened!" Why is she doing this? I am a shy guy and find it embarrassing. -- Six Months Married, West Kildonan

Dear Six Months: Your new wife is tickled with your exciting sex life, and wants to brag about it to her friends. It's not a smart thing to advertise the goods, but it seems she's young and not aware of that. Warn her that making you out to be a hot shot in bed might get less loyal types interested in you, too. That will slow down the teasing in public.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart is broken because my wife is seeing another man in our family -- my second cousin. He looks like me, only ripped because he's in construction. I found out yesterday and I am in terrible shock. It makes sense to me now because he has been coming over here for endless "repairs" on the house. She has redecorated the redecorating in the last two years. What now? She doesn't know I found out. -- Broken Man, St. Boniface

Dear Broken: First you talk to her, and try to listen without yelling or storming out of the house. She is more likely to answer your questions in the beginning when you catch her off guard. She will not answer them once she does some conferring with her friends. It's best to get some relationship counselling to look at the problems in your marriage, even if you are going to part ways in the end. You need to work out some of the anger and betrayal feelings, which are bad for your health if stuffed down and held inside, but it's good to have a referee in the room.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 30, 2012 A10

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