Diversions

Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Stop cheating on your wife

By: Miss Lonelyhearts

Posted: 02/14/2012 1:00 AM | Comments: 0 (including replies)

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm still in love with my first wife, and every year on Valentine's Day I send her an anonymous bouquet of white roses with one red rose in the middle, as I did when we were married. Unfortunately, we were married too young and I cheated on her -- just once -- and got caught. She was so heartbroken she left me "before we had any kids." I have missed her ever since. I don't even remember the name of the girl I cheated with, because it was after the bar and I was drunk. My new wife is great, and I love her too, but she will never be my true love. As my current wife, she gets a full bouquet of romantic red roses every year. Do you have any advice for me? -- Romantic Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Romantic: Here's some hot advice: Stop cheating on your second wife with your first wife. Your "true love" looks at those roses every year and thinks, "He's still a cheater. His wife doesn't know he does this -- so glad I dumped him." Then she probably chucks your roses into the garbage. She doesn't call you and tell you not to send them anymore, because she doesn't want to communicate with you. Believe it or not, things would NOT be better than they are now if you were still with her. You wouldn't like the sour look on her face if she'd stayed after losing her respect and love for you. The only way it would be as good is if you'd never cheated in the first place, and you were still a hero, not a zero, to her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: So here comes Valentine's Day again and I feel forced to go out and buy my wife gifts and a card when I already give her stuff all the time without being coerced. Last week I bought her a fancy new vacuum cleaner with all these attachments and two weeks before that she got a new truck. I am the sole provider and I provide very well for the family. Why does she need flowers and a card on top of everything else on one day -- Feb. 14? Last year, I forgot and she cried. We have all been a sold a bill of goods, and I think it's time we stopped kowtowing to Hallmark! -- Fed Up With Coercion, Westwood

Dear Fed Up: Stop being such a big baby and honour your wife with a Valentine's gift. If you can't be a romantic, at least be a smart investor. For less than $5, you can give your wife a card with sweet words on it (around $1 at most dollar stores) and a beautiful rose. That's a tiny investment in a very big entity -- a happy emotional and sexual relationship and intact family. Your wife swore to be faithful to you and you only -- which means you're the only game in town for her on sentimental occasions, unless she takes a lover. Only fools don't find it important enough to "remember" it's Valentine's Day when the whole world is strung up in red hearts, people at work are getting flower deliveries all day, and convenience stores and pharmacies have all the Valentines stuff right up front. Nobody's asking you to spend a lot of money; you're simply required to be thoughtful and sweet. A smart guy would jump at a small investment, with huge returns like this affords!

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 14, 2012 C3

(You must be logged in to post your reaction)

Your reaction?

More Diversions

Undock

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is register and/or login and you can join the conversation and give your feedback.

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010; View the changes. New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.