Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Stop meowing at the door of the basement man cave

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm deeply in love with a man who's never been married and lives with his father and his grandfather in what I refer to as Testosterone Towers (TT) Each man has his own floor, with my guy in the basement. By "basement," I mean lower level, all done up in thick carpet and plush leather furniture with electronics up the yin-yang. However, I must say it really feels like I have bumped into the glass entrance to this three-storey man cave because my boyfriend is almost 40 and is not interested in moving out and getting married, or having me move in. His life is "perfect the way it is," he says, and he doesn't care about having kids anymore. I don't know which way to move on this. -- Ms. Estrogen, Crescentwood

Dear Ms. Estrogen: Move back and away, girlfriend. This is a very comfy set-up, by the sounds of things. Your guy can have end-to-end monogamous relationships, have multiple ladies over at once, or just come to see you at your place and invite you in his door when he feels like it.

What is his impetus to make a commitment to you and move out of TT? There's no loneliness or discontent at his end and no mother to boot him out on his own. In fact, the two older guys may enjoy his "young" bachelor life vicariously. He will always be Junior in that household and that can foster a prolonged adolescence.

You don't say why you're deeply in love with this unavailable guy. How old are you, and how long have you been single/separated/divorced? A lot of women who chase unavailable guys are not really at ease with being in a couple themselves, but they manage to appear to be the victim of the man's indifference to getting married. If you know he's not up for the long-term, and you want that, why hang around meowing at his glass door?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just had to respond to the man called King of the Carpenters, whose woman looks down on his career choice and puts pressure on him to change something he feels passionate about. The science route in university didn't turn out to be his first passion, or he would have followed it.

Much like his girlfriend, I'm an executive secretary for a big shot and have been married to my carpenter almost 20 years. I'm among the "suits" on a daily basis, and, yes, the men may be attractive, but I have to say there's just something really sexy about Carhartts (work clothing) and boots. My husband is a strong, hard-working man who is passionate about his career. He has built some amazing structures from the ground up, working 12-18 hour days, and it's a dirty job. He'd come home full of mud or concrete (which I find rather sexy) and once showered and changed, he is still the man I married. He cleans up real nice and can put on his suit a couple of times a year and fit right into any situation. Another benefit of this job, which has high physical demands, is health and fitness -- he has no need to join a gym. There is an honest living in the trades, and quite frankly, there is a lot of money to be made as a carpenter. Last year my husband made over double what a general physician makes. -- Carpenter's Wife, Manitoba

Dear Carpenter's Wife: Hopefully, King of the Carpenters will take your letter to heart, since you are living proof of how good it can be with a different woman who supports his work passion, but frankly, the woman he is considering as his wife has a white-collar mindset and a long family experience of living that lifestyle. She does not sound as open-minded about a blue-collar guy as you are, by a long stretch.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 19, 2013 c2

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