Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Stupid fights common, damaging

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My young husband says I have toenails like daggers and he kicked me out of bed for scratching him the other night. I would have cut them there and then, if he'd asked nicely but he hollered and screamed about his calf scratch. I was actually glad when he said, "So go and sleep in the living room if you haven't enough class to cut your toenails." OK, I have to admit I let them go regularly and they were pretty big scratches, but what a big baby to cry over it! Just because he made such a big fuss I got stubborn, clipped my toenails, painted them the red colour that turns him on and then slept on the sofa bed in a see-thru nightie. Then he was whining all night for me to come back to bed. He finally came to beg me for the third time, and I hit him over the head with a pillow. Are we normal? Is this the way other newlyweds fight? -- Newlywed Spats, Ft. Richmond

Dear Newlywed: It's fairly common for newlyweds to have dumb fights if they haven't lived together before, but it's damaging. Fights -- even the petty ones -- chip away at happiness and confidence and are generally negative, especially if you go to separate beds. The best thing that can come out of a fight is to talk things out and come out with a better understanding of the person you love. But that happens when you fight over issues. You're fighting over toenails, sexual teasing and pillow fighting. Say to your husband, "I'd like to call a truce over petty fighting. Instead, we'll talk out the problem and sleep together even if we feel too tired out to make love afterwards." A cuddle can be sweet after a spat. Once you've slept peacefully, you can make love in the morning.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My friends and I spend a lot of time on the road and some have adopted the attitude that sex doesn't count unless it's intercourse. I disagree with them and won't touch a woman other than my wife no matter how far from home. We have a lot of phone sex and that gets me through. Anyways I really love her and couldn't imagine lying to her. She did ask me just one time if I ever cheated on her on the road and I could say to her honestly "I haven't and I never will." Last night, one of the wives here at home (whose guy) gets around on the road, asked me if he ever cheated on her and I said, "I don't share a room with any of the guys and I don't know what they do." She said "nice dodge," and turned away. This morning he phoned and said, "You really got me into trouble," and he was furious at me. I didn't know what to say. What should a guy say in that situation? I guess I owe more loyalty to him than to his wife, but why should I have to lie for him? -- Seriously Disturbed About This, Winnipeg

Dear Disturbed: You don't owe your buddy a bold-faced lie to cover his dishonesty. You dodged a bullet, and she made her assumption. You handled it the best way you could. If he was a real friend he'd be discreet and keep his mouth shut about his antics on the road. Then no one would be in the position of having to lie for him. It'd be helpful to hear from people who are on the road in music groups and on teams, and from their partners at home. I invite you to write in with what you do to handle the "what happens on the road" situation and we'll publish your answers in an upcoming column.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 27, 2012 D3

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