Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spent the Christmas and New Year's holiday with my folks. I always thought them quite conservative and typical of people from their era. Then what to my wandering eyes doth appear? Irrefutable evidence they are swingers! And it seems to me, after looking and reading through my father's desk, that they were at this long before we actually left home, usually occurring when they went on special U.S. holidays together. My jaw is on the ground. How do I face them with this? I can't just swallow this information and not say anything. How do I know my father is my father? What do you suggest for me, as I am at a loss? -- Son of Swingers? Winnipeg
Dear Son of Swingers: What do you hope to gain by discussing it with them, besides painful info and visuals that will give you bad dreams? Fair enough, you want to make sure of your parentage. So you might want to ask when this all started, or even demand blood tests. But beyond that, what do you really need to know? You won't get them to share anyway, unless one or both of your parents is blasé about it all and lets fly with some colourful info you never, ever wanted to possess. There's a reason why two generations don't want to share the details of their sex lives. It would be creepy if they did.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My kids are violent. They hit each other. I don't know where they got this because my wife and I have never hit them. But our two boys whack each other on the back and roll on the floor wrestling, and we caught our daughter with a stick, bashing her older brother. They do watch TV and play games, but this is not their life experience. What's going on? -- Peace-Loving Couple, St. Norbert
Dear Peace-Loving: Fighting is exciting. It's also part of your kids' overall life experience because of violent TV shows, movies and war games online. So they're trying it out -- and it has an added bonus of upsetting the old folks. By all means, don't let them fight in real life. Put them outside to scrap if they wish to continue. It's darn cold out there and not nearly as much fun. Make it very clear that all fighting you catch them doing will be aborted. Talk to them about your beliefs and better ways to settle differences. Then channel this energy into martial arts, where they will learn control and responsibility, too.
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