Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Take a bite out of man-eater's frequent visits with husband

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm so hurt by the way my husband is reacting to the man-eating barracuda next door. She is after him, no doubt. I'm not a violent woman, but I am steaming. My husband and I work opposite shifts, so she has plenty of time to work him over. I have found the tail ends of pies, cookies and sweet buns she has brought over. This week she brought a casserole that they ate together before she went home.

Why doesn't she go online and get her own man? She's hot-looking, in her late 30s, divorced and has so much inheritance money she has no need to work! She fawns over me when she sees me and says we should become great friends. At first my husband was chatting freely about her visits, but now he has gone underground and I see the evidence in the sink: two plates, her lipstick on the coffee mug, her lipstick on tissues in the bathroom garbage, but no mention of her. How can I get her off him? -- Sad and Scared, Osborne Village

Dear Sad: Stand up and fight the barracuda for your man. Canadians are so polite they will sit back and let all kinds of terrible things go on with their mates so as not to cause a scene. Think of yourself as a bus, and you're turning the "sorry" sign off for good -- you are back in service.

To scare this husband-poacher off, pay her a visit and tell her to stop bringing your man gifts and visiting with him. Don't mention the word hurt -- that sounds pathetic and weak. This is a woman who takes advantage. Tell her clearly, verging on aggressively, that you will not allow her to launch a campaign to get your husband and you will do whatever it takes to stop it. (One reader I heard from told the condo association about the antics of their resident barracuda, but she had more than one port of call.)

Then tell your husband you had a talk with her and told her to stay away, and that she is not allowed to bring gifts or come inside your home ever again.

Look deeply into his eyes and say, "If you have been chasing her back, tell me right now. I want your word you will stop contact with her. If you don't, be warned our marriage is in jeopardy." Get tough!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is like the Energizer Bunny. She is always up and ready for sex, cuddles, playing sex games, talking about sex and planning our next "sexcapade," as she calls them. I'm a red-blooded man and as interested in sex as any guy, but she has become obsessed. I know she wants a baby badly and I wonder if this is what this is all about. Is there anything else that could be revving her motor at age 32? I am tired. I never thought I'd say this. The pressure to perform on demand is turning me off. I look at her as an additional chore when I go home and I wish the golf courses were open already. -- Worn Out, River Heights

Dear Worn Out: Along with the sexual intercourse, you need to have some deep conversation. Ask her outright about the baby desire and, if you're willing, openly plan with her to have a lot of sex around the middle of her menstrual cycle. Get the deed lovingly done and she will calm down. If her sudden rabid interest in sex is not due to wanting a baby, find out what is going on with her. This can be the sign of someone who is restless and worried sick they are going to succumb to an affair at work or elsewhere.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My fiancée wants to become a flight attendant. I know this is her dream, but I have been trying to discourage her. Now, the disappearance of Malaysian Flight MH370 has made it abundantly clear that working in the air is a life-threatening horror show. I feel sick when she talks about it and have been trying to play up the very real danger. How can I stop her? I am scared to lose her. -- Safety First, Garden City

Dear Safety: If you try to clip her wings, she will fly away. It's a big mistake to try to shoot down somebody's career dream. All of life is chance upon chance, so learn to accept that. If you kept her from the pursuit of this dream, you would hear about it and pay for it for a very long time -- especially when anything went wrong or boredom crept in, as it so often does in marriages.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 31, 2014 D4

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