Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Take husband to counselling, but talk to lawyer, too

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out my husband, who works in a town just outside the city, has something going on with a young woman in her 20s who also works there. I arrived out there to pick him up, when he had to put his truck in a garage for repairs, and I came early to see if he'd give me a tour of his work and the town. Well, I got more than you'd see on a tour, when I arrived a half hour early and found them out smoking behind the main building. They weren't looking my way, and he had his back turned. Something about their demeanour made me sit in my car and watch. Finally he reached down and kissed her on the mouth, gave her behind a squeeze and they kept on talking and smoking and looking in each other's eyes. I finally got out of my car and walked right up to them and said to my husband "Get in the car. We're going to go home and tell our son we're getting a divorce." He cried all the way home and begged for forgiveness, saying it was "just a kiss, a one time thing after she said something cute." He refuses to move out. What should we do? I don't know if I love him or not anymore. -- Living in Limbo, South Wpg. Suburb

Dear Limbo: It may be harder to watch a kiss than it is to hear rumours of an affair. There's no possibility of going into denial with the picture of the kiss and the fondling playing on a continuous loop in your mind. They may not have had sex at this point but the kiss hurt you a great deal. If your husband wants to save this marriage with you, he can't keep on working there. You two need to go to counselling and be willing to engage in heart-to-heart talks with you about what's been going on with him, the marriage and this woman. Is he willing to do all that? Has there been any fault on your side? How is your love/sex life with him? These are the questions you need to discuss with a counsellor in the room, to keep things proceeding fairly instead of going from bad to worse. As for your husband's refusal to leave the home, it doesn't sound like either of you are ready yet, but do see a lawyer privately about this possibility and the ways and means of accomplishing it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Having just read your response to Sensible Way to Deal in the May 16 issue, I feel I must sentence you to 50 swats with this very newspaper for your flagrant disservice to husbands everywhere. Your comment: "And your husband is doing what -- babysitting the kids at home?" is unbelievable coming from (a) a mom; and (b) a relationship columnist. As the mother of a passel of children, I cringe every time someone who sees me out and about without any of my offspring comments: "Where's 'Bob'? Babysitting?" My reply: "A husband does not babysit his own children." If a husband is out, without his wife and children, do you assume the wife is at home babysitting? -- Mother of 6, Rural Manitoba.

Dear Mother of Six: Your cleverly-worded response fails to address the whole issue -- which is married women going out to the bars to spend the night, with their rings in their purses, leading on single men -- in this case one particular guy all night. At the end of the night she said, "I'm married. See ya!" So, 50 swats back at ya for conveniently sidestepping the issue and jumping on the soapbox. Who cares if women go out and enjoy themselves without their husbands? I don't, except when they're leading on single guys at a bar all night. Husbands should not have to babysit for that.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 28, 2012 D4

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